A Wild Ride: Our Blog

Every mother who does the best she can do is a hero!

Posted by Elizabeth at 4:02 AM in | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Quote from George Carlin

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Does gasping for breath or holding your breath count? I think it should -- especially for mothers of challenging children!!!

What do you think? Send your comments to me.

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What's Your Opinion?

Do Mother's Day wishes sent via text messaging considered acceptable by today's mothers?

Let us know what you think? Send comments to Elizabeth.

Posted by Elizabeth at 5:55 AM in | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Posted on my Refrigerator

I can only please one person per day.

Today is not your day.

Tomorrow is not looking good either.

Posted by Elizabeth at 8:53 AM in Humor , Nurturing Ourselves | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

In Honor of Erma

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving. -- Erma Bombeck

Posted by Elizabeth at 8:51 AM in Humor , Nurturing Ourselves | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

CHEERS! It's Mother's Day!

Not traditionally a drinking holiday, but why the hell not!!

Posted by Elizabeth at 8:43 AM in Humor , Nurturing Ourselves | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Wish My Partner Said That

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
- Bill Cosby

Posted by Elizabeth at 8:33 AM in Humor , Nurturing Ourselves | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

A Dose of Reality

"Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse." -Lily Tomlin-

Posted by Elizabeth at 5:49 AM in Humor , Nurturing Ourselves | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

... is that someday is right now.

Photo by Mary Pohlmann

Posted by Elizabeth at 5:35 PM in Nurturing Ourselves | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

We know you can relate to this month's story on A Wild Ride titled Am I giving enough? by Robin Dowdy.

Robin is a parent, educator, business owner and coach and the owner of Shine Through Coaching in Seattle. You can reach her at: 425.941.0819 or robin.dowdy@gmail.com.

Posted by Elizabeth at 10:40 AM in Guest Bloggers | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

All across America, parents are receiving the school support they need through their child's IEP (Individualized Education Plan), or so we can only hope. I personally have never experienced an IEP but a large number of my parent friends have. The reviews are mixed. Some find them helpful. Most find them trying and counter-productive.

What is your experience?

If you are looking for information on IEP, the web offers some excellent resources including:

Terri Mauro's About.com Special Needs Children. Read her article titled Parental Input --Have Your Say.

Joan Celebi's Special Needs Parent Blog. On her site Joan lists her six favorite IEP resources.

Another resource is school psychologist's Erin King's 7 Things Parents Should Know Prior to Going to an IEP Meeting.

Posted by Elizabeth at 11:04 AM in Back to School | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

My Brother. My Enemy. My Friend.
One Sibling's Story

"Yeah, I'm upset." I hear my older son say. I peek into his room. He's talking on the phone, pacing the floor, fingering a business card. "You said to call you when I was really fed up. Well, I'm really fed up. Why does he get all the attention? Why does my Mom spend all her time with him? She's too tired to do anything with me. She can't even think long enough to help with my math homework."

Sean's voice becomes more agitated, more urgent. "Then tonight he throws a fit because I beat him at basketball. He yells at me. He screams. I don't want to play with him anymore. But Mom says I have to understand him. I don't want to understand him. I want him to act NORMAL."

I don't need to see the card he's holding to know that Sean called his brother's therapist, Ben, who told him after one of our family sessions, "Call anytime you need to talk. This isn't just about your brother."

But in reality, it is all about his brother Joe needs constant attention. His anxieties derail every family outing. Sean is usually the perfect child, the one with no issues. He plays well with others, never misses school. He possesses maturity beyond his years. Skilled at dodging Joe's verbal bullets, Sean adeptly negotiates disagreements among his peers. His compassion for others comes through in his social activities.

"He would not be who he is without the experience of being Joe's brother," my friend Nan tells me, when I wonder about the impact of Joe's condition on Sean. "He's one of the most tolerant teenagers I've ever met," she goes on to say.

My thoughts come back to Sean's phone call to the therapist who is presumably giving him some sound advice for dealing with his brother. "Yeah, I understand," Sean says with resignation in his voice. "It's just that sometimes I think my whole family is close to breaking. And there's another problem. I get embarrassed when my friends are over and Joe acts up. He swears at me. He hits and kicks me. It's ugly and embarrassing and if I hit him back, I'm the one who gets in trouble because 'I'm older and should know better.' So here's the bottom line Ben. I am tired of being abused by my brother, tired of being embarrassed, and I'm jealous of the time my parents spend with him." There's a long pause and then, "Yeah, I'll think about what you said. Okay, I promise to call you again tomorrow."

After Sean hangs up, I step into his room. In that moment I decide to let Sean know I heard his conversation with Ben. "Was he helpful?" A little startled he replies, "Kinda. Said I should walk away when Joe starts hitting me or swearing at me. Said I could help him help Joe by writing down what triggers Joe's anger. I guess that will help." Sean begins to make his bed. I stop his hands as he pulls the bedcovers forward. I don't know what to say to make it better. I hug him, tell him how much I love him, tell him how much I appreciate how helpful and positive he is, knowing full well that these are probably the wrong things to say and that I am putting even more pressure on him. I can only hope that my friend Nan is right. Sean will grow into a caring, compassionate young man - thanks to his brother.

Posted by Elizabeth at 1:29 AM in Siblings | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Congratulations to our Second Birthday Contest Winner Cheryl H from Brier, WA. Cheryl is the lucky winner of the Aveda Destination Comfort Gift Set.

Buy a natural oil with a sensual smell either relaxing or stimulating (whichever works best for you). When you are ready for your bath, pour a glass of your favorite drink.

Turn on some relaxing, sensual or natural music such as the sound of rain, frogs, gentle African drumming.

Now, if you have a partner or friend who will be able to take the time, ask for a gentle and slow back scrub. Ask your partner to give full attention, smile and energy for "a while" to ....... just...... YOU.

In advance ask what you can do to return the favor, but also ask to reciprocate at another time so that you totally in the moment. This time, when it is all about YOU, will provide you with an invaluable source of fortitude and strength for carrying on with your day.

Posted by Elizabeth at 1:51 PM in Nurturing Ourselves | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Want to know how to recharge your partnership? Try some of these ideas from Mary Scribner.

· Hire a sitter and go on weekly dates. Take this time to have fun together and nurture your time as a couple – don’t discuss your children at all!

· Slip love notes under your spouse’s pillow, in his/her car, or in the mail. Use words of endearment. Give praise. Affirm your love for each other frequently.

· Give loving hugs. Massages. Don’t forget, giving chocolate and flowers can go a long way and NOT just on Valentines Day. Be spontaneous.

· Marital counseling. If you are in constant conflict and unable to work together or find that parenting is driving a wedge between you, then seek professional help. Your child needs a strong parental team. You need to support each other.

· Renegotiate your relationship as two imperfect people who also love each other and don’t forget to use humor as often as possible!!!!

Posted by Elizabeth at 11:48 AM in Strategies | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Let’s take a moment and imagine what it would be like if you and your spouse felt less stressed and gave each other words of encouragement, gratitude, and acknowledgement on a daily basis. Though maybe not easy at first, it’s worth a shot. Who knows, it could just change your life. Try one of these tips and see what occurs as you dance the steps of intimacy:

* Use open verbal communication. Define your thinking to one another. Don’t take for granted that your spouse/partner knows what you think or how you feel. Ask.Communicate openly.

* Use “I” messages when expressing yourself. “I feel….” Instead of “You made me feel….” Can go a long way toward forwarding the conversation.

*If you are having trouble communicating, you may want to use a “talking stick.” This is a tradition borrowed from the Native American culture, which provides a way to make sure you both have a chance to speak your views without interruption. Take any object (rock, koosh ball, etc) that you like to hold. Whoever is holding the object has the floor and speaks her current steam of thoughts. When she is finished speaking, she gives the talking stick to her partner who now has the right to talk without interruption. The listener does not speak while the other person is holding the object.

What other ways help you to reconnect with your partner? Send us your ideas. We would love to share them with our readers.

Posted by Elizabeth at 1:53 PM in Strategies , Strategies | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

In honor of our YOU: Being Mom (or Dad) theme and to help us celebrate our Second Birthday, we are looking for your most unusual yet realistic escape ideas.

Here are a couple ideas of mine:

~ Walking in the rain without an umbrella.

~ Writing about a your fantasy of living in a treehouse.

Have other ideas? Send them to A Wild Ride Contest 2009. The three most unusual yet realistic escape will receive an Aveda pamper gift valued at $21.25.

Deadline: Midnight (PST), March 1, 2009.

Posted by Elizabeth at 2:38 PM in | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

“No, absolutely not! Not while you are living under my roof” were the first thoughts that exploded out of nowhere into my mind. Somehow I was able to suppress any verbal output that would have taken my son and I into a power play of who’s right, who’s got the upper hand here, etc, etc. “I’m 16 and legally I can do this if I want to!” I was informed. OK Mary, you need to deep breath I coached myself. I suddenly realized that this was about more than the physical act of sticking a steel stud into my son’s virgin skin. I wasn’t sure what though. Finally I was able to muster the words, “I’m curious and want to know more. Let’s talk about this later.”

I needed distance from my first reaction, needed more information, and needed to talk to my friends who had already weathered this teen right of passage. My first impulse was to control, then I just wanted to escape. Beam me up Scottie. Why did my beautiful, sensitive son want to staple a steel stud into his lower lip? I’d already accepted his long hair and baggy clothes and thought this would characterize his teen years. Silly me, I thought I was out of the woods. I should have known better. I just get comfortable with one developmental stage and get hit square in the face with chaos as new growth asserts itself.

Two days later my son, husband and I were facing each other anticipating our discussion. I prefessed our talk addressing my son’s worries that we had not gathered to be the heavies. He had not done anything wrong; we weren’t here to critize him. I stayed curious and began an innocent inquiry. “So, we wanted to learn more about the lip piercing that you’re thinking about getting.” I inquired. “Who would do this for you? How would you take care of it? How would you pay for it? What if it got infected? What would it feel like?” Each question was answered maturely, without defensiveness. We took our time and allowed some silence and thoughtfulness to spark the next inquiry.

I was actually getting into the “feel” of having one of these studs myself as my tongue slid across the inside of my bottom lip. “How would it feel in your mouth?” I could see my son’s tongue also investigating his soft tissue. Thoughtlytfully he remarked, “well you know, I’m just thinking about this.” End of conversation.

On reflection I learned with enough information I could actually entertain the idea as a possibility rather than a reactionary “NO” that shut down communication. One of my friends talked about these piercing as rights of passage for boys in a culture where there are few. Another mentioned that these piercing where similar to getting our ears pierced (this is really going to date me!)

The best thing that came out of this is that our son felt respected while continuing to march toward individuation and autonomy. His choice might not be one that I would make, but this is his life, not mine. My job is to keep him safe, foster a loving relationship, and respect him as he zigzags toward adulthood.

Who knows what decision he will make in the future. I hope that whatever decision that is, he’ll feel free to share his thoughts as he processes his way through it.

Posted by Elizabeth at 1:12 PM in Strategies | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Our Gift to You!

Want to know how to parent from your innate strengths? Have questions on getting started? Get a jump start with support and a free one-hour phone session with Parent Coach Mary Scribner.

Interested? Send Mary an email today!
Offer Expires: January 31, 2009

Posted by Elizabeth at 7:40 PM in Nurturing Ourselves | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

This year Elizabeth and I have chosen YOU Being Mom as the theme for 2009. We are very excited to be exploring topics that hopefully will offer threads of insight, and empower you to value your own unique way of parenting. Most of all, as parents ourselves, we want to invite you to join us to support each other. Let’s learn to trust our innate strengths, let go of the myth of the perfect parent, and embrace our mothering experience as an opportunity for personal growth and development.

As we look forward to a New Year full of potential and possibility, and yes, even transformation, let’s throw away and bury these insanely destructive parenting myths. Its time to let go and reclaim our own unique mothering identity based on what works for each of us and build the kind of relationship with our child (ren) that we want. It all starts with YOU (and me!)

So start today by reading the Letting Go Strategies on the A Wild Ride website.

And if you are really serious and want to know more about how to parent from your innate strengths? Get a jump start with support and a free session from Parent Coach, Mary Scribner for the entire month of Jan. 2009. Contact Mary directly.

Posted by Elizabeth at 5:21 PM in Nurturing Ourselves | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Surround yourself with the light and love of our support and understanding as we enter 2009 together.

~Mary Scribner & Elizabeth Coplan

Posted by Elizabeth at 11:18 AM in Holidays | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)