Questions from Our Readers
Last week, one of our readers posed some great questions after reading Nina's post titled Dads: Father's Day, summertime and letting go a little:
• What do you do when the non-custodial parent abruptly halts the child's medication?
• What if that parent also spends an entire summer telling your kid that the routines you've worked hard to establish are unnecessary?
We asked our readers and a couple of professional resources, in addition to A Wild Ride authors Nina and Mary, to offer their suggestions. We'll post all the responses on the Blog over the next ten days.
Our first response is from a mom who's been through a similar situation. She offers:
The bigger issue here is not that the dad doesn't think his son needs ADHD meds or a routine. The bigger issue is that he is still battling his x-wife and their marriage that ended in divorce.
If the dad respected the mother, they would still be married. There is not much the mom can do to convince the father to agree with her about their son and his diagnosis.
I would recommend she go to a higher authority such as a doctor, teacher and therapist when trying to work with her Ex. Document, document and document her son's behavior. Then go to her attorney for action through the courts.
If a judge sees evidence from professionals that the dad's care, or lack of, is not in the child's best interest, visitation with dad can be restricted. However, this is a hard battle to fight.
It is good that the son only sees his dad for short periods of time with no medication. Some doctors recommend a “medication vacation” in the summer. Many do not. Perhaps this is something to discuss with the child’s doctor.
If at all possible, I would suggest that the son return to mom the middle of August to establish a good sleep and medication routine again before school starts. I know this is very difficult for the mom, but she must try to rise above the dad's battleground and not engage.
Each and every daily tasks of raising a child can be done differently. As hard as this sounds, the mom's job is to not argue with the dad. If she shows more respect for the father than she is receiving, and she takes the higher, more difficult, road -- then her son may benefit in time.
It's not easy but worth a try.
Comments
I have been divorced for 11 years now; and have been that whole route through the courts concerning a parent who is in denial about the child's problems.
You can get supervised visitation, at least in Oregon where my divorce was completed, based upon medical neglect; which is not giving medicine that was prescribed by a Dr.
Also, not 'believing' the CP when there are expert reports and such was also considered parental neglect.
You have to achieve this by getting a forensic psychological evaluation completed on ALL parties. You, Dad and the child. This has to be requested by you to the court. Make sure that you have a GOOD lawyer who has a good track record, uh winning, with psychological evaluations. The psychologist then makes a recommendation to the court, which the Judge 99% of the time will abide by.
Mine picked a very good one, who was very about NCP's have equal access, and I still received a supervised visiation recommendation.
E-mail me if you have any questions: toriop@yahoo.com.
Posted by: Martha | July 21, 2007 7:27 AM