Building friendships through support groups -- Part 3
Joan suggested, “Maybe to help Sarah know she is on common ground here, we could introduce ourselves and each answer the question – based on our own child and our parenting experiences – how do you define a challenging child?”
My child is aggressive, defiant, and frequently out-of-control.
“Hi, Sarah. I’m Mia. Welcome to our group. I think that some of the emotional and behavior problems our kids have are similar to those of other kids but more intense. Like the difference between a night-light and a bare bulb. My daughter Katy struggles with ADHD and as a single parent, this is really hard on both of us. Dealing with my daughter’s father is also problematic because he and I have very different parenting styles. Consistency in Katy’s life would certainly help her ADHD, but the shift from my house to her Dad’s and back again is disruptive.
“I feel as if I am on a perpetual roller coaster ride when it comes to dealing with Katy. She swears at me, not just once in awhile, but all the time. She lies. She hits. She is always mad at me.
When I reach for her because I just want to hug and hold her close, she pushes me away. That hurts.
The school counselor tells me that Katy's behavior is a reaction to our divorce. Give me a break! Her doctor said that ADHD is at the root of his problems, but that doesn’t make our lives any easier. In fact, the easy answers are often not the correct ones and they are definitely not the complete ones. From my perspective, a challenging child is one whose difficult behavior is the norm rather than an occasional occurrence.”
“It’s good that you have a diagnosis, Mia, but clearly that isn’t the end-all in helping Mark,” interjects Joan. “I think the word diagnosis is kind of loaded. We spent years trying to get Neil accurately diagnosed. We thought it would at least give us some guidelines – some ways to help him thrive. And it has helped. His behaviors are less mysterious now. They have an identified basis. I also realize that a diagnosis is not just a mirror reflecting who he is as a person. Neil is a unique person with his own character, strengths, and personal quick sand that repeatedly drags him down."
