Building friendships through support groups - Part 7
My child is inflexible, unable to handle change and has little emotional resilience.
“I guess I’m lucky in that Jared doesn’t have physical ailments, but parenting him is just too damn difficult,” says Jackie, introducing herself as she offers me a cup of tea. “I find it hard to accomplish anything in the course of the day. It’s hard to endure his moods, crying spells, tantrums. Hard to comprehend why he thinks in his negative, oppositional way. Hard to persuade or convince him differently if his mind is set. His physical energy simply outdistances mine. When he gets upset he bounces back very slowly. He needs hours, sometime days, to recover.”
Every mother in the room understood this lack of resiliency. Disappointment over a lost baseball game, a difficult piano lesson, or a simple math assignment can drive these kids into an inconsolable depression or rage that goes on and on. I could relate 100 percent.
“The other day I realized that through his inflexibility, Jared could manage and manipulate the adults in his life,” Jackie continued. “I could tell that he found this both exhilarating and scary. I’ve been told that difficult children often need to feel a sense of control, in part to quiet the intense anxiety they feel so much of the time. The slightest problem at school and Jared buries himself in his room for hours. You know, I think I’m the one with the physical problems. His lack of emotional resiliency gives me a wicked headache!”
“Neil is a mirror image of Jared,” Joan exclaims. “Change just knocks Neil off his axis. For example, he becomes enraged and uncontrollable if we go visit Grandma after school instead of to the library as planned. His unreasonable explosions are so outlandish that they throw me off guard!”
