Building friendships through support groups - Part 5
If anyone wants to find, or join with others to start, their own support group for parents of challenging children in New Jersey, just call Ed. He's glad to help with contacts, ideas, and support:
N.J. Self-Help Group Clearinghouse
Phone 1-800-367-6274
More easily remembered as 1-800-FOR-M.A.S.H. (Mutual Aid Self-Help).
Building friendships through support groups - Part 5
My child is easily over stimulated and overwhelmed.
Maria describes her son, Graham, as intense to the extreme. “It doesn’t take much to over stimulate and overwhelm him. If Graham’s withdrawn, then he’s barely reachable. If he’s energetic, he becomes out-of-control. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to dive under the shopping cart at the grocery store. And if I lose it at the end of a tough day, and yell at him, other shoppers glare at us with imperious, unfounded contempt. That feels real good.
“Graham is never just a little tired – he’s exhausted and unable to function. Last Friday night he didn’t get much sleep. The next day while the other children sang “Happy Birthday” at a friend’s party, Graham put his hands over his ears and withdrew into the corner, never coming back to join the fun. All the noise and sensory overload were like a projectile, sending him over the top. On the way home he cried over the party he felt he missed. Graham is simply MORE of everything and I am constantly second guessing myself. Should we have skipped the birthday party since Graham was so tired? Would we have avoided the tears and the drama? My husband thinks I coddle him but when he tries a different tactic, Graham still has a miserable time.”
This sounds familiar to me. I’m still not sure how this group of obviously loving moms can help me, but I feel drawn to share some of my life as a parent with them. “I remember when Nicholas was only a few months old. He would fall asleep when we were in a store or at an event where there were lots of people. I felt as if he was shutting out the world. But when Nicholas woke up, he would scream in agony as if all the noise and stimulation was somehow attacking his nervous system. We could never have people over to our house because Nicholas would cry and cry, and I would miss their visit, spending my time instead in the dark of my baby’s room rocking and consoling him.
“And forget about going to playgroups. Within ten minutes Nicholas would start whimpering, building to a wail that was impossible to ignore. We’d end up leaving after the first 15 minutes. Nowadays he avoids social situations of any kind, which is how he copes with what he calls ‘too much day.’ The problem is that there are situations he can’t altogether avoid, like going to school, so he comes up with reasons not to go. I can’t tell you how many stomachaches and headaches this kid has during the school year.”
