A Wild Ride: Welcome

My child is emotionally detached from our family.

Tess spoke up for the first time that evening. I barely noticed her sitting quietly in the corner. With tears in her eyes she talked about her child. “I don’t know if Alex – that’s my 8-year-old son – had difficulties as an infant. If he did, they were never dealt with in the orphanage where he lived for the first four years of his life. At times, Alex clearly needs physical comfort but rejects being touched. It’s as though he fears a hug will ignite him. Our entire family can tell that he is not attached to us – he is so emotionally disconnected. We see this in his ruthless behavior and absolute lack of empathy for other people.

“We believed that with love and a good diet he would soon become a normal child, leaving behind those unfortunate early years. But four years after his adoption, Alex is still willful and detached. This was obvious the day he set our house on fire. He endangered and terrified us – the people who love him most. This wasn’t simply a childish prank or a fascination with matches. It was devious and intentional. He frequently does other violent things. I’m sorry, but this is not boys-will-be-boys behavior.” The women in the group appear truly pained for Tess. Her life sounds so hard and unpredictable in a dangerous way.

“We live in fear,” she continues, “because we just can’t seem to get through to him. I’ve tried to create a loving home environment and provide both my kids with a childhood of love and understanding. It hasn’t taken with Alex. Even bringing him to a playground is an odd experience. He shows no interest in any of the other children. He sees them as competition for adult attention. He greedily eats the snacks and charms the adults, one-by-one. My son never makes a friend because his anger inevitably gets the best of him and any potential friends quickly withdraw. Yesterday at home he peed on his rug, destroyed his closet door, tore off his sailboat wallpaper, and ripped up all the art projects he’s made – all this before breakfast!” I’ve just met this woman, but I can feel her despair from across the room.