The Adult Sleepover (by Mary)
Q. I'm in a serious relationship with a man. But my son's anxieties hit new highs when my friend stays more than an hour after dinner. What can I do to meet both my needs and honor my son's fears?
A. This situation can be tricky to navigate. It requires patience and understanding on everyone's part. If this is a serious relationship it is definitely worth taking it slow and giving your son opportunities to adapt and learn to trust this new adult in his life. Your son will need to learn through experience that this new relationship is not going to diminish or replace your love for him. Have your friend spend time alone doing guy things with your son. Give them opportunities to build their own relationship. Do things together, go on outings, have fun together, "show" your son that this friend is adding richness to both of your lives.
It's a difficult situation and one in which could cause some anger and resentment if you feel like you have to compromise beyond what you want to. Consider though that your child cannot control his anxieties and needs you to help create an environment where he can cope better with what he is facing. He is probably scared that you are not going to be there for him. Talk to him about his fears. Ask him what he likes about having your friend in your lives and what he doesn't like. Reassure him. Ask what you could all do together to have fun.
You may also find other ways to have a sleepover with your friend. Find an overnight sitter for your son or have him spend the night with a friend. Keep working at building trust between your son and your friend. Blending a family may not be easy, but it's so worth the effort when everyone works together.
Answered by Mary Scribner, Parent Coach and A Wild Ride creator/author. Read more from Mary on our FAQ page. You may also ask your own question. Send it to mary@awildride.net.
Related article: When Mom starts dating in the in the Cincinnati Post.
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