A Wild Ride: Our Blog

Jen Zug

In addition to Karen Alaniz, we showcased a number of excellent writers during 2007. These new CyberSpace Friends continue to provide stories and resources on their own Web sites and Blogs.

As we say thank you to these people, please check out their sites.

Whitterer on Autism was our first Guest Blogger with the piece 7 Tips - Coping mechanisms for parents of children who have just been diagnosed with autism.
During 2007,Web site owner McEwen pushed her site to the top of the parenting blog list on Blogs by Women. Congratulations!

In June, Blogger Raelee Peirce, the Founder of Noble Mother, a Parent Coach, and a Parent Educator reminded us to accept our children as they are, even if they don't fit our definition of the "dream" child in her essay My Sprite in Tights.

The first Guest Blogger that I actually met was Jen Zug of This Pile I'm Standing In. Jen wrote several posts for us. Check out her site now for the latest from Jen.

One of my personal favorites was the series titled My So-Called Vacation by Reality Mom (aka Corbin Lewars). In addition to writing for the Blog, Corbin also wrote stories for our Web site, including my favorite The World of Mommies. I noticed that Corbin has not posted on her Web site Reality Mom in awhile. We'll contact her and hopefully she'll return in 2008 as a guest author for A Wild Ride.

We'll honor more of our new CyberSpace Friends all this week.

Posted by Elizabeth at 6:02 AM in Guest Bloggers | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Throughout 2007, we met many excellent writers and resources. As the year winds down, Mary and I would like to recognize these women and men who helped make A Wild Ride a top Web resource for white-knuckled parents.

First, I personally want to thank Karen L. Alaniz.

Karen came to our site via the Call for Submission flyers I left at the Pacific Northwest Writers Conference. Karen began writing for us in October, first for the Blog, then for the Web site. In January, Karen becomes our first regular contributing author. Karen's bio will be posted in the next few days. In the meantime, check out her new book Chicken Soup for the Nurse's Soul - Second Dose. And her Web site Write Now.

Tomorrow: Other New Friends

Posted by Elizabeth at 10:35 AM in | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

...my partner, Mary Scribner, and I would like to take stock of our A Wild Ride accomplishments:

1. We made a conscious choice to keep A Wild Ride free of advertising, bringing the reader only our thoughts and stories, without any sales objective. Thankfully we have the resources to continue the Blog and Web site without ads...at least for now.

2. We spent 2007 sharing strategies, answering readers’ questions, providing resources.

3. We committed ourselves to post only clear, easy-to-read writing.

4. We supported others beyond our local community.

5. We were endorsed by Terri Mauro’s Parenting Special Needs on About.com and listed in Related Blogs on Terri’s home page.

6. We met many excellent writers and resources along the way. In the next couple of days, we'll recognize these women and men who helped make A Wild Ride a top parenting web site.

Posted by Elizabeth at 5:24 AM in | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Meet Melitsa!

In the spirit of the holidays, today's Blog entry focuses on PLAY. Many of us struggle during this season with children whose sensory issues can not take in all the activities, noises and smells of the season. In short, they seem to find it difficult to play.

A while back, Melitsa from Play-Activities contacted me about her site. I checked it out and found some excellent play suggestions. I particulary like this site's FAQs. When I spoke (via the Intranet) with the author, Melitsa , I shared my own experiences and those of some of our readers. Melitsa understands exactly how we, as parents, feel, and she encourages us with her comment:

At the beginning , my son who is particularly shy needed the stimulation and ideas to start an activity. He was much like how you describe your son. Then gradually he would take it and make it his own. Now, there is nothing stopping him. He has many ideas of his own that are original and many borrowed from playmate friends, and what he sees around him.

Don't forget some play time for yourself. Here are a few suggestions:

* Schedule a massage. (Money tight? Massage schools often offer free or low cost massages as part of the training.)

* Call a friend.

* Take a bubble bath.

* Eat a piece of gourmet chocolate.

* Paint your toes a wild color. (Even dad's can try this one.)

* Go to the library. Sit. Stare out the window. Read a magazine you've never heard of.

For more Do It For You ideas, visit the A Wild Ride Web site. In the upper righthand corner of each page, you'll find different Do It For You suggestions.

Photo © jeancliclac - Fotolia.com

Posted by Elizabeth at 6:29 AM in Holidays | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

A Wild Ride welcomes Naomi from Tales of a Single Parent . Naomi answered our question:

Every year my family falls short of giving me a thoughtful present. It hurts my feelings about how little time they spend on my gift while I devote time, energy and money on theirs. I'm not asking for anything expensive. How can I get my family to honor me?

In addition to learning to honor herself, it is also important that she verbalize how she feels to her family. Maybe they are unaware of her hurt feelings. By talking with them, her family can begin to understand where she is coming from. Communication goes a long way.

Thanks for the reminder that sometimes we suffer in silence not because our family is cold and insensitive but because they simply do not know what's on our mind. Visit Naomi's site, Tales of A Single Parent, for some excellent self-care suggestions!

Posted by Elizabeth at 6:43 AM in Holidays | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Every year my family falls short of giving me a thoughtful present. It hurts my feelings about how little time they spend on my gift while I devote time, energy and money on theirs. I'm not asking for anything expensive. How can I get my family to honor me?

Here's an answer from Bad Momma:

The Holiday gift season used to cause me much anxiety. I would feel bad if the gift I gave was not as nice as the one I received. Conversely it also would bother me if I spent considerable more time and money than the other person. I also felt guilty if someone unexpectedly brought me a present and I had nothing for them. I ended up creating a " gift drawer" of items I would find, usually on sale throughout the year. When a friend showed up with an unexpected gift, I was prepared. This works well for birthdays too.

As far as my family goes, we give each other a few "suggestions" to help make the job easier. Pajamas, books and gift cards are perfect for my kids. Only child-free adults get gifts. My husband and I will buy a joint gift for ourselves. One year it was matching recliners; another new cell phones.

I don't need much and sometimes too many random, odd, gifts bother me. It is wasteful and I rather not get anything. If feelings are getting hurt, it may be time to stop exchanging gifts. Perhaps split the cost of an evening out.

Check out more of what Bad Momma has to say on her site where she shares "ramblings & life lessons from a late-in-life mom such as why it is important to use your reading glasses when dispensing medications!"

Posted by Elizabeth at 5:35 AM in Holidays | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Q: What is the best gift I can give myself?

Answer from Parent Coach and A Wild Ride creator/author Mary Scribner:

A: What a great question! I think the very best gift you can give yourself is the gift of self compassion. If you are like most moms you have more to do in a day than you can possibly accomplish and at the end of that day, you may blame yourself for not doing it all. Don't beat yourself up when your circumstances don't meet your ideal or your self-imposed standards. Give yourself a break and instead ask your tired spirit what it needs. How about some understanding? Some nurturing? Some self respect? Shift your critical thinking to appreciating all that you have done. Focus on the positive and be grateful for all that is possible.

What's your opinion? Comment below or send a message to Elizabeth. We want to hear from you!

Posted by Elizabeth at 5:27 AM in Holidays | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

My son's teacher, and our good friend, suffered a major stroke earlier in the school year. His recovery is slow but steady. He's an amazing man. His wife is an inspiration to all of us as we individually deal with our own challenges. Almost every day, Judy writes on her husband's Care Page, letting all of their family and friends know what major or minor progress Kim made since the last time she posted. Today, at the bottom of her update, Judy wrote:

May I continue to trust the turbulence of this river we're in.

Thanks, Judy! I needed that reminder. ~ Elizabeth

© Impala - Fotolia.com

Posted by Elizabeth at 7:27 AM in Nurturing Ourselves | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

It's not just our children who struggle during the holidays. Many of us parents suffer from our own anxieties and issues. In fact, there are 40 million adults in the country who deal daily with an anxiety disorder. And the holidays trigger even more stress! This month on the ADAA (Anxiety Disorders Association of America) Web site you'll find helpful information on what triggers anxiety and how to relieve it.

For example, here's their advice on handling holiday parties:

* Identify what you are specifically concerned about. Are you afraid you will say the wrong thing? Embarrass yourself? Ask yourself what if any of these things happen: Will you lose your job, your family, your friends? Tell yourself, “So what!” The worst that will happen is that you will feel uncomfortable, or maybe very uncomfortable.

* Take the pressure off yourself. “Don’t be a perfectionist. If you set high expectations for yourself and for others, you increase the chances of being let down,” says Jonathan Abramowitz, PhD, ABPP, of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. “Anticipate that some things won’t go exactly as planned — and that’s OK.”

* Remember that most people aren’t paying as much attention to you as you fear they are. In fact, most other people are actually wondering what you are thinking of them, so try complimenting them. Making other people feel good during the holidays will make you feel good and reduce stress.

* Don’t look for relief in alcohol or drugs. Although it can be tempting to “take the edge off” in holiday situations, alcohol and drugs can make anxiety worse and may trigger panic attacks in people who are prone to them.

* Do smile, make eye contact, and ask questions at holiday gatherings. Most people like to talk about themselves and their interests. Ask what their holiday plans are, what their kids are up to, or what book is on their nightstand. Avoid topics like religion or politics that can be stressful or make people argumentative.

Read more on How to Handle the Holidays.

Posted by Elizabeth at 5:19 AM in Holidays | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

In your opinion, what is the biggest obstacle that parents must face during the holiday period? What is the biggest obstacle children face?

From Cathy Knoll at FAQautism:

These two questions intertwine, but the answers probably depend on the ages of the kids, the nature and severity of their disability, and the circumstances at home. Some youngsters really thrive on all the excitement of the holiday. In my experience, many youngsters struggle at this time of year. Obstacles in several categories come to mind - logistics, behavior, health, and patience.

LOGISTICAL ISSUES

+ If parents work, finding adequate day care on work days can be a nightmare, particularly if the youngster is a pre-teen or teen.
+ A holiday trip to visit family involves detailed planning (and prayer!) to make the path smooth for all involved.
+ By the same token, having house guests - even for one night - can be challenging for the youngster as well as parents AND the house guest(s).

BEHAVIOR ISSUES

+ Change in routine can cause distress for some children.
+ Extended periods of unstructured free time can be difficult for youngsters.
+ Some youngsters are not able to process the myriad of sensory input - holiday lights and sounds, the smell of new foods, tree decorations, etc.
+ Younger children can have difficulty dealing with "no touch" holiday decorations and gifts.
+ Pre-teens and teens can struggle with lack of contact with their peers and friends with whom they spend a great deal of time at school or regular activities.
+ The holidays are either feast or famine - either long days of boredom while waiting for things to happen, or times filled with excessive people, noise, lights, excitement, etc.
+ Being around extended family can cause parents to feel more pressure for their youngster to be well-behaved, cute and/or smart, and generally perfect.

HEALTH ISSUES

+ The increase in sugar during the holidays is trying for everyone.
+ Youngsters with food allergies or food sensitivities may have some problems with all the tempting foods.
+ It may be the shorter days, but I observe more gloomy and "depressed" behavior during December and January.

PATIENCE

+ Parents are often balancing obligations at work with the typical holiday stress, so their patience can wear thin.

I've written about some of these issues on FAQautism. In the next two weeks, I'll be addressing holiday visits, road trips, gift giving on my site and welcome any input about challenges and/or creative solutions from A Wild Ride readers.

Check out Cathy's Web site. It's a valuable resource and the pod casts are well worth your time.

Posted by Elizabeth at 6:08 AM in Holidays | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

In your opinion, what is the biggest obstacle that parents must face during the holiday period?

From Parent Coach and A Wild Ride creator/author Mary Scribner:

The biggest obstacle that parents face during the holidays are the expectations of family and friends. There are so many potentially difficult situations during the holidays; unstructured days, lack of routine, exuberant relatives, surprises, reactions to stimulation, etc. If parents are visiting extended family who have little understanding of the child's difficulties, the parents may be feeling like they are walking on eggshells; waiting for something terrible to happen. This stress can be an obstacle to enjoying being with both your immediate and extended family.

What's your opinion? Comment below or send a message to Elizabeth. We want to hear from you!

Don't forget our contest! All levels of writing encouraged!!! Visit here for more details.

Posted by Elizabeth at 5:35 AM in Holidays | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Making It Work

Continued from Laying the Foundation for Success:

When a child has a routine of doing his homework at the same place and same time every day, it will become routine. Choose a place that is free from distractions such as a desk in his bedroom or the kitchen table. You should also choose a time that is free from distractions. If his favorite television show is on, he’ll be distracted. So choose a time prior to a desired activity and use it as a reinforcer. If there is a time when the house is relatively quiet, have that be his homework time. If there is a time when your home is alive with activity, stay away from it.

With his folder in front of him, all he has to do now is take out his homework and complete it. And when he is done, he can make an “x” through the due date on his calendar. The calendar on the refrigerator serves as a simple reminder for you, his parent. Teach your child that he is not done with his homework until he has marked it off on the calendar.

In addition to traditional homework, you may want to include the day that his library books are due and due dates for forms sent home for parent signatures such as a field trip permission form.

To encourage independence, buy a digital timer; one that can be set for three or four hours is best. Or use a spare alarm clock set to the same time each day and kept in a prominent place such as the kitchen or living room. Your child will learn that part of his homework routine is to go turn off the timer or alarm clock and then begin his work promptly. A simple reward will ensure that he continue the behavior, even when you’re not watching over him.

By laying the groundwork early, your child will learn to be responsible for his own homework. As time passes, he can use the same skills in Junior High and High School, when homework is even more demanding. The lessons you teach him today create a solid foundation for future success in school.

Read Karen's stories on A Wild Ride and visit her Web site Write Now.

Posted by Elizabeth at 6:35 AM in Guest Bloggers | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

“Let’s go through your backpack.” I said innocently.

Zachary tossed the backpack on the sofa and headed for the kitchen.

Unzipping the bag, I reached in and pulled out the contents. Papers, library books and construction paper projects fell to the floor.

“Zach.” I said. “Come back here and help me with this.”

Zach hopped across the floor to me.

“Oh yeah.” He said shuffling through a pile of construction paper. “I remember this.
I need to do a project about insects.”

“A project?” I asked. “What project?”

But he was on to another pile.

“And this math packet-I can’t remember when it’s due.” He said tossing it aside.

Zach has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) so organization isn’t his strong-suit.

Most of this was avoidable, if only I’d taken the time to lay the groundwork for a new school year. So with Zach by my side, we went through the papers and right away I could see some key problems. But more importantly, we came up with some solutions.

Communication – Ongoing conversations with the classroom teacher are a vital part of teaching your child the skills he needs to keep up with his homework. Set up a meeting between you, your child and his teacher. Get a clear understanding of what kind of homework is expected. What day is homework given? When is it due? Is it based on whether your child has finished his work in class or is it given on a regular basis? Take notes and encourage your child to do the same. Before leaving, exchange email addresses with the teacher and ask her to let you know if your child does not turn in a homework assignment on time.

Organization – With notes in hand, it’s time to get organized. You will need three things; a calendar, a pocket-style folder and some colored markers. Make a simple homework calendar on your computer or with a wall calendar that isn’t used for other purposes. Enlist your child’s help. The more he participates in creating the system, the more he will buy into it. Begin by drawing a green square around the date that homework is given. Draw a red square around the due date. If homework is given daily, draw a purple line around each weekday. Make two color-copies of the calendar; put one in a prominent place like the refrigerator and the other in a pocket-style folder.

Cooperation – With the folder system now in place, he is ready to implement the new plan. As soon as your child walks through the door, have him open his backpack and place his homework in the folder. Reward him when he proceeds without reminders. A special after-school snack or activity will encourage him to continue taking responsibility for his homework, without reminders.

Read more from Karen on the A Wild Ride Web site. Look for her new book Chicken Soup for the Nurse's Soul available December 7.

Posted by Elizabeth at 6:23 AM in Guest Bloggers | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Q: With all the hub-bub of the holiday season and the changes in routine, how can I get my child to focus on schoolwork these next two weeks?

A: It’s that time of year when we are all distracted from our regular routines by the holidays. There is excitement in the air as we plan our festivities and celebrate our traditions. It is no wonder your energetic, sensitive kid will be drawn toward stimulation and activity and away from dreaded homework. Kindly empathize by letting her know that you understand how hard it is to stay focused this time of year. Give her a reassuring hug reminding her how capable she is of successfully completing her work. Help to keep her school and homework routines as consistent as possible. Acknowledge her hard work with a hug, words of affirmation (you completed your work in record time!) every day. Take her out to a movie, bookstore, activity or event she chooses at the end of the two weeks as a way of acknowledging her success.

If she is having a very difficult time focusing, break down the work into small chunks. Allow her to take short breaks and work closely with her to help her complete her tasks. She may just need more 1:1 time to get her work done.

Remember to reward (words of encouragement and affirmation) her frequently.

~Mary

Read Mary's Gifts of the Season on A Wild Ride.

Blog of the Day

Posted by Elizabeth at 7:09 AM in Q & A | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

From the AblePlay.org Web site, here's a list of questions to help guide parents make their gift decisions.

1. Multisensory appeal
Does the toy respond with lights, sounds, or movement to engage the child?
Are there contrasting colors? Does it have a scent? Is there texture?

2. Method of activation
Will the toy provide a challenge without frustration? What is the force required to activate? What are the number and complexity of steps required to activate?

3. Where toy will be used
Will the toy be easy to store? Is there space in the home? Can the toy be used in a variety of positions such as side-lying or on wheelchair tray?

4. Opportunities for success
Can play be open-ended with no definite right or wrong way? Is it adaptable to the child’s individual style, ability and pace?

5. Current popularity
Is it a toy that will help the child with disabilities feel like “any other kid”? Does it tie-in with other activities like books and art sets that promote other forms of play?

6. Self-expression
Does the toy allow for creativity, uniqueness, and choice-making? Will it give the child experience with a variety of medium?

7. Adjustability
Does it have adjustable height, sound volume, speed, level of difficulty?

8. Child’s individual characteristics
Does the toy provide activities that reflect both developmental and chronological ages? Does it reflect the child’s interests and age?

9. Safety and durability
Consider the child’s size and strength. Does the toy have moisture resistance?
Is the toy and its parts sized appropriately? Can it be washed and cleaned?

10. Potential for interaction
Will the child be an active participant during use? Will the toy encourage social engagement with others?

For more great information, visit AblePlay.org.

Tomorrow: Back to Homework!

Posted by Elizabeth at 7:15 AM in Holidays | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I know I said that the Blog theme this week would be Homework, but this information and Web site, AblePlay.org, recently came to my Inbox and I HAD to share it with you. It’s timely and valuable information.

From Chris Coleman at AblePlay.org: Holiday time is exciting for every child, but it can be tricky for parents, grandparents and friends, selecting toys for differently-abled children. Afraid of selecting the “wrong” toys, many parents, families and friends of special needs children end up placing socks and pajamas in those brightly colored boxes, instead of what kids really want – toys and games.

Like all children, kids with disabilities want to have fun. And, parents want to make sure that they’re buying the best, and most appropriate, toys for that child. So how you do you begin? “The first step is to look at what your child can do and what skills you want your child to use or practice. Think about skills such as fine motor, gross motor, language, or reading,” says Diana Nielander, Executive Director for the National Lekotek Center. “The key to choosing a successful toy is understanding your child’s abilities AND the features of the toys.”

In order to help parents learn about the “hidden” features of toys, they recently launched www.ableplay.org, a free website designed to help parents make the best match between the toys and their children. On the site, you can actually purchase toys that have been independently evaluated and rated by Lekotek’s trained therapeutic play experts.

I particularly liked the ability to find toys and gifts specific to the child’s needs. Select from the following lists to narrow your search:
• General disability category (e.g. physical, sensory, communicative, cognitive)
• Specific disability (from ADHD and Autism to Sensory Integration and Spina Bifida)
• Product category (e.g. arts and crafts, educational, and outdoor play)
• Age range
• Brand
• Product Name.

Visit the site often as they are continually adding new products.

Tomorrow on the Blog: Top Ten Tips for Choosing Toys for Children with Disabilities. (Then we'll go back to Homework!)

Posted by Elizabeth at 11:19 AM in Holidays | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Even though the holidays are upon us, our children still must struggle through their homework. In fact, for challenging children, homework during December is even more difficult than other times of the year. So this week, we dedicate our Blog to Homework!

Q: My child wants to park himself in the family room and play loud music while he does his homework. I think he should sit quietly at his desk in his room so that he can focus. Who's right?

A: It really is not a question of who's right, but instead, how can you set the stage for your child to complete his homework without nightly battles. Look at the bigger picture here. Ask yourself what can I do to create an environment for my child to succeed in. This is your goal.

You'll want to consider your child's individual learning style; the environmental preferences that help him to concentrate, and the essential strategies that will set the stage for success. Some children focus better when they are listening to music and are in the midst of family functions. Other's need complete silence, free from visual distractions. What does your child need? You may be on one end of the scale and your child on the other. Pay attention to what his learning needs are and help set up a successful environment.

If his steps toward success are impacting you in a negative way (his loud music is not calming for you!), you can ask that he wear head phones. If he needs to sprawl instead of sitting at a desk or table, ask that he move to an area where you are not impacted by him. Remember to appreciate and acknowledge his strengths and abilities, and yours!

Don't forget our first birthday contest! For details, visit A Wild Ride.

Photo © Julián Rovagnati - Fotolia.com

Posted by Elizabeth at 5:24 AM in Back to School | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Are you a white-knuckled parent with a story to share or strategies and resources to recommend to other parents? OR Are you a family member, friend, or professional with some suggestions or stories of your own?

Enter our contest today!

Deadline: January 5, 2008

Our theme for 2008: What to Expect When Parenting Isn’t What You Expected?™

Categories:

Story
Strategies
Resources
As I See It (Designed for family members, friends, therapists, other professionals to share your own suggestions in support of white-knuckled parents.)

Prizes:

Grand Prize for Story:

Two hours of parent coaching (via telephone) with A Wild Ride creator and Parent Coach Mary Scribner (Value $150)

Alice Domar’s book Self-Nurture: Learning to Care for Yourself As Effectively As You Care for Everyone Else (Value $15)

A one year subscription to Family Matters, the magazine for Conscious Parenting (Value $24)

Prizes for Strategies and Resources:

Alice Domar’s book Self-Nurture: Learning to Care for Yourself As Effectively As You Care for Everyone Else

A one year subscription to Family Matters

Prize for As I See It: A 15 piece box of handmade chocolate truffles from CBC Chocolates ($18 value)

For contest rules, visit our Web site.

Looking to hearing what you have to say! ~ Elizabeth & Mary

Posted by Elizabeth at 11:03 PM in | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)