What Next? by Guest Blogger Kelly
What Next?
Being a parent is supposed to be a rewarding experience right? That is what we grow up believing and that is what we expect.
However, sometimes life does not work out the way we expect it too. When I was expecting my daughter, I was elated to find she was a girl. I already had a son and a daughter would complete the picture.
My pregnancy was normal, and there were no complications. However in my 7th month, I went into labor. There were no causes for it, it just happens, I was told.
From the beginning, even when my daughter was in the infant ICU, I knew there were going to be problems. I was told to expect it. Premature babies suffer from a lot of different illness, some medical and some emotional.
My daughter grew out of her medical complications fairly quickly and became a thriving yet demanding child. I really never gave too much thought to it because she was so healthy. She was (and is) a beautiful and intelligent child who wanted everything.
I gave in most of the time, and as she grew older, her demands grew with her. Around 2 years old, I finally put of foot down and began the task of disciple and teaching her appropriate behavior.
She would have none of it. Her demands grew into fits of rage when she did not get what she wanted and violence when she was told no.
As she grew, I realized that something was not right. After being taken to several different doctors, and told that there was nothing wrong, frustration began to take hold of me.
No matter what method of discipline was used, nothing worked. Being a parent who does not believe in spanking, I tried everything else there is to try.
When my third child was born, my daughter did everything she could to get him out of our house. She would do things to hurt the baby, and it was necessary to monitor them at all times. They could never be left alone together.
At one point, it was necessary to hire a babysitter just to go food shopping because she did not get what she wanted.
The screams of rage and anger ran through our apartment building and neighbors would knock on our door to make sure she was all right.
One doctor suggested that I spend time alone with her and it seemed to work for a while, however the more time I spent with her, the more time she wanted. The more presents I bought her, the more she wanted. I was told that she was jealous of the new baby and could understand that. I set a side one day a week that I would spend just with her. It turned into a nightmare when she disappeared in a store one afternoon and the manager of the store locked it down so until we found her an hour later, underneath one of the displays.
When my daughter started school, she began to calm down; I thought that maybe that is what she needed. However, after about two months of school, the teacher called a parent teacher meeting. I found that my daughter was telling horrific stories about her home life and could not believe that she could come up with such things.
My daughter had taken aptitude tests in kindergarten and it was determined that she had learning disabilities which are common in premature babies.
The frustration that she felt at school was unleashed at home to the point where we did not know what to do. This has gone on for four years.
After years of bringing her to different doctors, we were referred to a behavioral specialist and it was determined that my daughter has many different disorders that need to treated with both therapy and medication.
She has responded very well to both treatments and is finally becoming a happy child. She even laughs now, something she has done rarely in the past.
The point of my story is that as parents, we all have instincts regarding our children. Never let someone tell you that your instincts are wrong. It is your child's health and welfare that is at stake, and if it is necessary to see twenty doctors to find answers then do it. No one knows your child better then you.
My daughter went through years of behavioral problems that could have been managed before they grew to the level that they did because I ignored my instincts and followed the advice of others.
As a parent, I felt that I let my daughter down by not pursuing every avenue. I followed advice that led to more problems and I was physically and emotionally drained from this experience.
Kelly is the mother of 3 children, 2 of which have severe difficulties. She lives in the New England region of US and is a work- at-home mom for 5 years.
Photo © Vasiliy Koval - Fotolia.com
