Down and Out: The story of one mother’s journey through her son’s depression -- Part 3
Alternative Therapies
Over the next year, little changed for my son. Most days I researched alternative therapies and drove to faraway places, searching for the elusive solution. Every other month, I typed out my concerns and provided them to Dr. Thornton prior to our appointment. There is something uncomfortable about speaking to the doctor in front of Nicholas. I often feel as if I am tattling. And so I write:
“Nicholas:
1. Continues to suffer sleep problems (has not slept through the night for more than a week his entire life!). Has extreme fear of the dark. Uses multiple night lights. We have a dream catcher for his nightmares. His lack of sleep dramatically affects his mood and ability to function normally during the day.
2. Suffers severe separation anxiety even when I just leave the room.
3. Exhibits extreme responses to reprimands and near accidents. Demonstrates a fear of failing. Dramatic mood swings. Blames everyone else. When he does accept responsibility for a mistake, he agonizes excessively over this “wrongdoing.”
4. Is constantly negative.
5. Has a scaly, itchy rash on neck, back and shoulders. Will not allow cream to be used.
6. Constantly rubs his mouth with his arm. Has chapped lips. Sometimes they bleed. Will not allow cream. (I try putting cream on him while he is asleep but he wakes up.)
7. Most activities are boring or upsetting, such as going to school. Likes playing on the computer but can react with great upset when told he must stop.
8. Likes being outdoors most but does not like to be cold …or to sweat.
If only he would get a good night’s sleep, I tell the doctor. If only I could get a good night’s sleep, I think to myself.
“Have you tried Benadryl to help him sleep?"
“He became hyper-active.”
“Have you tried Melatonin?”
“Worked for two weeks and then nothing.”
“Have you tried white noise?”
“He hated the soft sound. I returned the machine to the store.”
“Have you tried making his room colder or warmer?”
“Yes, and I have changed his mattress and the mattress cover, added a foam ‘guaranteed to help you sleep’ cushion.”
“Have you tried pet therapy?”
“Okay, you got me there.”
I always thought of myself as a mother who would do anything for her child. Anything, that is except get a dog. When he looks back on his childhood, will Nicholas blame me for his troubles. “After all, if only Mom bought me a dog…. But she didn’t. I got a pet rat instead.”
Aside from pet therapy, we tried every imaginable therapy suggested by our various doctors and those suggested by well-meaning friends.
Talk therapy: At first, Nicholas said nothing. “Nothing” progressed to one-word-responses, then to as few words as possible, until finally he became a master at “Replies Your Therapist Most Wants to Hear.” The Problem: The therapist believed every word of it.
Naturopath: The naturopath eliminated dairy and fruit from Nicholas’ diet. The BIG Problem: After two weeks he was constipated.
Massage therapy. The Problem: The light touch sent him through the roof.
Biofeedback: The Problem: The goop in his hair was enough to cause even more stress.
Another idea: A friend of a friend of a friend had little white pills of unknown origin that worked for her granddaughter, so we tried them. The Problem: What was I thinking!
Emersion therapy: We went to crowded theatres where he cried because there were too many people and too many different smells and sounds.
Aversion therapy: We didn’t go anywhere or interact with other people and I cried!
I didn’t know this then, but some of these alternatives would work well for Nicholas later in his life, but, nothing seemed to help in his early childhood. I came to the conclusion that on a good day Nicholas thinks the “glass is half full.” On a bad day, he thinks that not only is the “glass half empty” but it is also dirty, chipped, and he just knows that it’s going to break and that it will be all his fault!
This week he started compulsive blinking! Where do we go from here? Is medication the only alternative?
Read Part One, Part Two, Part Three.
Next: Part Four: Medication
