A Wild Ride: Our Blog

In your opinion, what is the biggest obstacle that children with challenges must face during the holiday period?

From Parent Coach and A Wild Ride creator/author Mary Scribner:

The biggest obstacle that children with challenges face during the holidays is having stressed out parents who are trying to do too much. Drained, well-meaning parents who drag their overtired kids to just one more store, one more party, one more batch of baked cookies, one more special holiday event, one more family gathering....STOP! Feeling overwhelmed, these sensitive kids become anxious and exhausted and cease to cope. They need parents who realize they can't do it all and are willing to set realistic expectations for themselves and their children.

What's your opinion? Comment below or send a message to Elizabeth. We want to hear from you!

© Wendy Hotalling - Fotolia.com

Posted by Elizabeth at 1:32 AM in Holidays | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Today, Thanksgiving Day in the U.S., is all about gratitude (and food, but that goes without saying). If you surf the blogsphere, you will find some lovely tributes of appreciation.

While it may not be politically-correct, my partner, Mary Scribner, and I would like to share our own moments of self-appreciation. Parents, especially mothers, rarely take the time to value themselves. Today we encourage you to do so.

From Mary:

• I am grateful that my son still speaks to me after all of the horrible mommy moments I've exposed him to.

• I am grateful that I realized (before it was too late) that my son's experiences were about him and not about me.

• I am grateful that I learned (before I ruined my relationship with my son) to stop micro-managing him. I'm grateful to be a recovering micro-manager.

From Elizabeth:

• I am grateful for my husband who learned all his great parenting techniques from me (and Mary).

• I am grateful for my sense of humor that keeps me smiling when I’d rather cry.

• I am grateful for my vast reserves of patience. I don’t blow my top often but when I do – LOOK OUT!

• I am grateful for my ability to write so that I can share my thoughts and stories with all of you.

Wishing you a satisfying Thanksgiving.

Cheers, Elizabeth & Mary

Posted by Elizabeth at 1:08 AM in Holidays | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

Q. With the holidays coming soon, I start to prepare our house for guests. We complete little home projects. Buy new hand towels for the guest bathroom. Unclutter the spare room. But all this activity makes my daughter anxious. It's not part her routine. So this year, I would like to prepare my daughter for the upheaval of the holiday season. What do you suggest I do?

A: Good for you for realizing the importance of preparing your daughter for change. Even though you may be in the holiday spirit, she's probably unconsciously dreading the unpredictability that ANY change brings, especially in HER home environment.

Before you begin to prepare for guests, talk to her about who will be visiting. If these are repeat guests, help her remember the positive aspects of their previous visit. If new guests are coming, compare their characteristics to people she already knows. Help her to feel relaxed by having some sense of familiarity. Talk up the fun you all can have while they are visiting. Get her in the mood of acceptance and lightheartedness. Ask her what would help her to feel more comfortable while the guests are visiting. Take her requests into account as you consider how to make your daughter feel more comfortable. Then ask what she would like to do to help get the house ready for these guests. You'll have to slow down to her speed. But when you move at her pace, it will help her to feel that she is being considered and appreciated.

Answered by Mary Scribner, Parent Coach and A Wild Ride creator/author. Read more from Mary on our FAQ page. You may also ask your own question. Send it to mary@awildride.net.
Photo © sonya etchison - Fotolia.com

Posted by Elizabeth at 5:52 AM in Holidays | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Our friend Catherine Whiting, Pediatric Occupational Therapist, offers several suggestions for dealing with our picky eaters during the holiday season:

Thanksgiving is an excellent time to involve your whole family, especially picky eaters, in the joy of food. The emphasis is on FOOD, not the pressure of eating.

1. First the exposure and comfort in being around the food is necessary before the action of eating. Just like reading a story book, show pictures of yummy foods in food magazines and cook books.

2. Talk about ingredients and where they come from, such as cranberries growing in a bog. Talk about Grandma's favorite dish she makes every year or a new dish you will try for the first time.

3. Have children wash, stir, measure, etc. Smell the cinnamon or and the sage.

4. Paper placemats could be colored or menus could be decorated.

5. Talk about what food will be placed on their plate even if not eaten.

6. Reinforce the rule that no words such as "yuck" are said, only "no thanks".

7. Sitting at the table at least 15 minutes even if done is polite since others are still sitting there.

8. They need to watch others enjoy food and try the new recipes cooked. Don't let Grandpa force the issue with "He needs to have a bite before he can get up."

9. Emphasize what the child CAN do. Instead of "he doesn't eat turkey" (which the child hears and then agrees with) say, "he can have different foods on his plate to see and touch and smell."

10. Have fun!!!

Posted by Elizabeth at 4:53 PM in Holidays | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Since starting the Great Escape 08 series on the A Wild Ride Blog, Mary and I have shared our own ideas and those of our readers. Some of those ideas include:

• Walking in the rain with or without an umbrella
• Eating chocolate
• Shaving your legs
• Writing (Give yourself some fantasy topics such as: what it would be like living in a treehouse? What would I buy if I could only buy something pink? Let your imagination run wild.)

Have other ideas? Share them with our A Wild Ride readers. The most unusual yet realistic escape will receive an Aveda pamper gift during our Second Birthday celebration in January. Send your ideas to A Wild Ride Contest 2008.

Posted by Elizabeth at 1:24 AM in Great Escape | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Whether you choose to have your son or daughter receive the flu vaccine is your decision of course. But if you do decide in favor of the shot, consider the following ideas that may help your child’s experience. This is particularly important, I think, for special needs children.

From the Seattle Times:

Don't lie. Prepare your child for the fact that a shot will hurt, but that the pain is likely to go away quickly.

Act low-key. Talking about shots long before an appointment, constantly reassuring kids and apologizing for pain can make them more anxious.

Use different words. For some kids, the word "shot" is scary in itself. Try "vaccination" — or your own made-up word.

Distract them. Read a book out loud, talk about a movie you just saw, take deep breaths together or point out cool pictures in the doctor's office. Blowing on a pinwheel is a favorite tactic of some pediatricians.

Take a comfort item. Younger kids might like to hold a favorite stuffed animal or blanket.

Look away. A child who stares at an approaching needle or hears a countdown before a shot is more likely to tense up, which could make the process more painful.

Ask about pain relief. If a child is extremely anxious, see if a doctor has numbing gel, cream or spray that could help.

Ask about FluMist. Depending on age and availability, kids may be able to get a nasal spray vaccine instead of a traditional shot.

Make post-shot plans. Have your child help you decide on something fun to do — a trip to a playground, maybe, or a sweet treat — after the doctor's appointment.

Posted by Elizabeth at 1:16 AM in News and Research | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

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Posted by Elizabeth at 7:08 AM in Strategies | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

As we end National Stress Øut Week, Mary and I thought it would be appropriate to end with a laugh or at least a smirk. So here are a couple of our favorite parenting jokes:

***

At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?"

The little boy nodded yes.

"So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you're out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?"

Again the little boy nodded.

"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain that to your mother."

***

Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to God's kids. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was, "Don't."

"Don't what?" Adam replied.

"Don't eat the forbidden fruit," God said.

"Forbidden fruit? We got forbidden fruit? Hey, Eve...we got forbidden fruit!"

"No way!"

"Way!"

"Don't eat that fruit!" said God.

"Why?"

"Because I am your Father and I said so!" said God (wondering why he hadn't stopped after making the elephants). A few minutes later God saw his kids having an apple break and was angry.

"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.

"Uh huh, " Adam replied.

"Then why did you?"

"I dunno" Eve answered.

"She started it!" Adam said.

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"DID NOT!"

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed. If God had trouble handling children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

***

Have jokes to share? Send to elizabeth@awildride.net

Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two and keep away from children.

Posted by Elizabeth at 2:22 AM in Strategies , Strategies | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

There are moms (including my partner Mary) who will vehemently deny that organized sports is a great way for children to get exercise while learning team building skills. Granted many challenging children do not have the motor skills to successfully be a part of a sports team. But those who do can begin to build their self-confidence and get exercise at the same time. I know for fact that soccer practice is the high point of my son's day though I must admit that come game time it's high anxiety. Learning to cope with performance anxiety is an added benefit to the positive effects of physcial exercise.

Posted by Elizabeth at 4:55 AM in Strategies | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

In America we will celebrate Thanksgiving on Thursday, November 27. This holiday marks the official beginning of the holiday season. During this time, many parents with challenging or special needs children face even more obstacles.

Today, on the A Wild Ride blog, I'd like to share this idea from Terri Mauro and her Special- Needs blog on About.com. I have used this escape plan myself millions of times and although I resented "having to leave the party" I was always happy I did.

Make an escape plan. Better to leave before things go bad than stick it out and live to regret it. If you're spending the holiday at a home other than your own, arrange a time limit or a signal ahead of time and observe it -- even if it means missing the pumpkin pie. If your child seems to be coping better than expected, you can always extend the deadline, but be ready to split at a moment's notice. If at all possible, when your holiday travels involve such a distance that you'll have to stay overnight, get a hotel room. Your child (and you) will need someplace quiet and chaos-free to decompress after so much family exposure. Then again, if everybody's coming over to your house for dinner, make your child's room off-limits to everybody but him or her, and encourage your child to use it as a refuge when things get overwhelming.

Posted by Elizabeth at 3:42 AM in Holidays | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

For some reason, jumping up and down seems to quiet my son. Of course, trampoline's scare me to death (there's a reason insurance companys' don't cover them!). My son also enjoys pogo sticks and jump rope. Both are activities he struggled with at first but took pride in building on his "records."

Does your child have movement or exercise that helps to calm him or her? Share those activities with the A Wild Ride readers. Send them to me at elizabeth@awildride.net

Posted by Elizabeth at 2:48 AM in Strategies | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

The same rewards of movement and exercise apply to your challenging child. Let them enjoy some wild music and dance around the room with them. My son who hates loud noises LOVES to turn on his own music full blast and then dance with his eyes closed as if he were the only person in the world.

The smile on his face is worth the price of my broken eardrums.

Posted by Elizabeth at 4:33 AM in Strategies | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

If taking a walk means that your mind will wander and worry, distract yourself with music. Use an iPod or other portable media player to download audiobooks, podcasts, or music. I personally enjoy exercising more when I listen to uplifting music such as "I Will Survive" or "Defying Gravity."

Do you have a favorite de-stressing song? Send your favorites to me at elizabeth@awildride.net and we'll start our on Stress-Less Playlist.

Posted by Elizabeth at 5:27 AM in Strategies | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Good news for all of us with challenging children and no time to exercise. According to the ADAA website:

Psychologists studying how exercise relieves anxiety and depression suggest that a 10-minute walk may be just as good as a 45-minute workout. Some studies show that exercise can work quickly to elevate depressed mood in many people. Although the effects may be temporary, they demonstrate that a brisk walk or other simple activity can deliver several hours of relief, similar to taking an aspirin for a headache.

Ten minutes!!! I can do 10 minutes. What about you?

Posted by Elizabeth at 5:11 AM in Strategies | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

It's no coincidence that this month the theme on our A Wild Ride website is movement and learning while the theme on ADAA's National Stress Øut Week is Stress, Anxiety and Exercise. (Well, actually it is a coincidence, but let's pretend it was planned well in advance.)

Earlier this month, my A Wild Ride partner Mary Scribner wrote about movement and our children:

"Over the past 10 years there has been a huge body of research from neuroscientist examining the link between learning and moving. In her groundbreaking book, Smart Moves, Why Learning Is Not All In Your Head, Carla Hannaford, PhD examines how our bodies play an essential role in our learning. If you have a child who is wiggly, has difficulty focusing, feels frustrated and overwhelmed and struggles in school, then try incorporating these simple exercises at home before your child leaves for school and during homework."

On the ADAA site, the authors write how movement and exercise not only help our children but us adults as well:

"The physical benefits of exercise—improving physical condition and fighting disease—have long been established, and physicians always encourage staying physically active. Exercise is also considered vital for maintaining mental fitness, and it can reduce stress. Studies show that it is very effective at reducing fatigue, improving alertness and concentration, and at enhancing overall cognitive function. This can be especially helpful when stress has depleted your energy or ability to concentrate."

Over the next few days, we will share more thoughts on exercise and movement as ways to control stress -- both our children's and our own.

We would love to hear your thoughts and suggestions. Send them to me at elizabeth@awildride.net.

Posted by Elizabeth at 4:22 AM in Strategies | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Another idea from Amanda at The Mom Crowd:

Sometimes just getting the chance to take a long shower and shave my legs and paint my toes is a treat.

Add a scented soap and I am in heaven!

Posted by Elizabeth at 9:46 AM in Great Escape | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Want to escape for a few minutes without leaving your computer? Let's face it, you were probably surfing the web looking for parenting help anyway. So take a moment and check some of those travel blogs like Jamie Sinz's Home-cooking Class in Jodhpur, India. Read about Jamie and her boyfriend as they travel India.

A word of caution. Unless you want to be green with envy, do not read the blogs of moms traveling with children!

Posted by Elizabeth at 2:00 AM in Great Escape | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

She always made me laugh. Has any living author taken her place in the honored halls of literary humor?

From Erma Bombeck:

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.

One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.

Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

Posted by Elizabeth at 3:31 AM in Great Escape | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

My friend Quirky Jessi sent her Great Escape suggestion: Write a blog. She's write a wonderfully entertaining blog that is definitely a great escape. Check out Playing with your Food.

Both my A Wild Ride partner Mary and I love to write. Mary loves to write about strategies and resources to help other mothers. I like to share stories. Together we write this blog. I am not sure I would call it relaxing but it certainly makes me feel better. By writing this blog, I have an opportunity to express myself and connect with other moms in cyberspace. There's a reward that comes with each comment and shared knowledge.

I'm not sure I would recommend writing a blog as a way to escape, but I would suggest writing in a journal. Give yourself some fantasy topics such as: what it would be like living in a treehouse, what would I buy if I could only buy something pink. Let your imagination run wild.

Posted by Elizabeth at 2:40 AM in Great Escape | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

From Amanda over at The Mom Crowd:

One of my favorite things to do is splurge on a good chocolate bar. Its usually less than three bucks and after my baby is in bed I curl up with my favorite TV show (which I DVR'd) and eating a portion of my fancy chocolate bar.

The chocolate pictured above is from Fran's Chocolates.

Posted by Elizabeth at 1:11 AM in Great Escape | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

LAUGH!! Laugh alone or laugh with a friend.

For parenting humor, read Mary Fagan's site Motherwise Parenting Humor. I especially like the post A PREPARED PARENT'S GUIDE TO FAST COMEBACKS.

Funny Videos? I know that the kids find great videos on YouTube all the time, but I can't find anything funny. Have any recommendations?

Posted by Elizabeth at 4:43 AM in Great Escape | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Another escape favorite of mine is walking in the rain -- umbrella not required.

Do you have a favorite means of escape? Send them to me at elizabeth@awildride.net and I'll share them with our readers.

Posted by Elizabeth at 5:33 AM in Great Escape | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

No, I'm not talking about the morning after a cocktail party. I'm talking about the morning after Halloween, when the kids are coming down from their sugar high and some semblance of routine must be restored.

We all know the studies and statistics about sugar and special needs kids. I won't bore you with yet another study. But I will offer a suggestion for removing the incriminating evidence.

Trade your child his candy for a new toy or trip to the movies. Last year I paid my son $25 for his goodies. Times are a little tougher this year so I gave him a $15 Itunes gift card instead. He did not notice the decrease in value.

Here's a laugh: When my son came home from trick-or-treating with his friends he immediately asked for the promised gift card. I turned over the ransom and expecting his bag of goodies in return. Not seeing any treat bag I asked him: "So where's the loot?"

"Gee mom," he said, "I don't really like candy so I gave it to Jake's younger brother who had a cold and couldn't go out."

Hmmm. Now there's a politician in the making.

But if your child does give you his/her treats, here's a word of CAUTION: Immediately remove the offending candy bag so that you won’t be tempted to eat it all yourself .

Been there. Done that.

Posted by Elizabeth at 11:41 AM in Holidays | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)