How to be an "un-stuck" parent.
Has this every happened to you? You feel stuck over the agreement you and your daughter made about cleaning up her messy room.
- Is this your agenda or viewpoint? I don't trust my daughter to clean her room when I ask her to.
- Is this your intention?
I want my daughter to do as I say. - Are these your words?
"If I've told you once I've told you a million times to pick up your room!" - Are these your actions?
Your face looks angry, body stiff, yelling, rushing around room picking up clothes, shoes, toys off the floor and throwing them in a clothes basket.
Here's an alternative way of approaching this situation. Try on this new, creative way to get un-stuck.
- Your agenda or viewpoint I trust my daughter to be responsible and respectful.
- Your intention
I want my daughter to show me she can be responsible. - Your words
I really trust you and believe that you want to honor our agreement." Let's talk about how I can support you to do that. - Your actions
I talk about my concerns, listen to my daughter's concerns and together come to an agreement we both can live with.
Matching your words and actions can make all the difference between an argument and an agreement. Which would you rather have? The later scenario may take more time, but when you model problem solving rather than emotional reactivity you are giving your child a gift she can model herself.
Comments
I attempted to make an argument similar to that at one time, but I didn't get an especially enjoyable reply. I really hope your own writing about this subject works better than mine did. Carry on your sterling work.
Posted by: healthy living | February 5, 2010 2:41 PM
Hi, I found you via the twitter link on MBC and will be following your blog with interest. My middle child faced very dark days in his first 4 years and it nearly broke me. I wish I had seen your blog back then. If you are ever looking for a first hand article on pre-natal depression, let me know I have one that I would be happy to share.
Posted by: coryanne | February 6, 2010 12:02 PM