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Friendship for School-aged Children -- continued
Once your child has an identified goal, discuss and help him work on this list of friendship building skills:
Friendship Strategies for School-Aged Children
Some children don't seem to have trouble meeting new friends, but keeping them is a significant problem. They are unable to take turns or handle conflict and always want to be in the driver's seat. Some ways you might help them:
- Make friends
- Keep friends
- Join ongoing activities
- Give compliments
- Have more fun with other kids and parents
- Manage her anger
Other sage advice for parents of preschoolers
Dr. Linda S. Budd, in her parenting book titledLiving with the Active Alert Child, share's some useful strategies:
Managing conflict between young children
If your child and a playmate are angry and upset, have them cool off before talking it through.
Friendship Strategies for Preschoolers
If your child has behavioral, emotional or social challenges, she may have trouble making and keeping friends. These challenges often range from misreading social cues, mishearing a communication, interrupting, answering out of turn, abruptly changing the subject, misreading a person's tone, or intruding into another child's space.
Getting along with others is a life-long skill that affects one's self esteem, school experiences and work performance. Let's explore some strategies that you can use as parents to help your preschooler work on making and keeping friends.
Children start learning how to interact with others before they even begin school. It may be difficult for young spirited children - easily excited and easily overwhelmed - to really know how to be a friend. They may be intrusive, bestowing unwanted hugs and kisses upon the other kids, try to be the boss, or just sit and watch their playmate. Here are a few tips to help them get along:
Make sure your child's play dates are short, about 1-1 1/2 hours.
As much as possible, actively supervise - involve yourself in your own activity while staying in the same room. Encourage cooperation between playmates.
Listen in with a baby monitor so you can short circuit any conflicts that could quickly turn sour.
Have other strategies? Please share them with us by leaving a comment.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?"
Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
~ Charles M. Schulz, Creator of Peanuts comic strip
Three years ago we published this piece from Rachael Brownell. Her words are sage, witty and important as ever.
Rachael can be found on Imperfect Parent and she tours with her new book Mommy Doesn't Drink Here Anymore. This book "gives the reader insight not only into the effects of addiction on the entire family, but solutions for those in the grips of family trauma. Rachael's journey, well written with wit, humor, and brutal honesty, is a must read." ―Barb Rogers, author of Twenty-Five Words and Keep It Simple and Sane (reprinted from Amazon Reviews).
Signs that it might be time to have a Mommy Break include but are not limited to:
Laughing inappropriately when your kids get hurt, hoping your husband trips on the wet towel he left on the floor, burgeoning rage when you see that someone moved your special spoon, sensation that there are a million swarming bees inside your brain all demanding more peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Addressing "Mommy Stress" is most effective if you first diagnose which phase you are in.
PHASE 1. Tired, but Functioning
Here Mommy is still able to feign cheerfulness despite semi-serious sleep deprivation. For several nights running small people have woken her up needing things, and husband has curiously been so sleepy he doesn't hear the cries.
PHASE 2. Cranky
Here we see poor Mommy start to drop her basket a bit. Little outbursts here ("I said NO JELLY TOAST!") and there ("Do I LOOK like I feel like having sex right now?!!!") indicate that the fragile framework of sanity is slipping away. Poor Mommy.
PHASE 3. Final Lockdown Imminent
In this final most desperate phase, Mommy has fantasies of voluntary inpatient psychiatric care, or a long, long hospital stay possibly due to a terminal illness (husband's). Here Mommy's fantasies often revolve around death (at least when you're dead, you get uninterrupted sleep), young Latino lovers, and driving off and never returning.
If any of these stress phases sound familiar, it's time to take action, lest you end up becoming consumed with guilt, find yourself home-schooling your children, teaching Pilates, and attending a class called How to Please a Man.
With these simple steps, you will soon find yourself refreshed, renewed, and ready to step back into that oatmeal pile on your kitchen floor. Hell, you might even feel up to cooking a healthy dinner.
Step 1. Make a Plan
Once you've determined your level of stress, you'll need to formulate a plan. Pick a day and time in which Mommy Break will occur. If it needs to be RIGHT THIS SECOND GODDAMMIT (most common among Phase 3 Mommies), then leave your children in husband's charge, and head to the nearest big deep bathtub. Light some candles, get yourself a big glass of wine, turn on your favorite music (if you can't remember what that is, just go with Norah Jones), and put in some sweet smelling bath salts or bubbles. The key to true relaxation is to cut out all noise from the outer yelling fighting world. If you have to turn the music up, turn on the bathroom fan, and put in earplugs then do it.
If you have time to plan ahead, here are some great breaks for all budget sizes.
Spa day on the cheap. Many spas allow you to pay a small fee to use their steam room, sauna, relaxation area. Or, you can get an inexpensive service like a brow wax to get you in the door.
Walk and window shop. Also fun to do with a girlfriend. Walk around a downtown area and gaze at all the clothes, purses and shoes that would make you feel sexy, hot, and fun.
Bookstore outing. If you haven't laughed since they administered the epidural, head straight to the humor section of your nearest bookstore. Some of the writers are impossible to read without guffawing (try Dave Barry, for one).
Girlfriend visit. This works best if you go to her. Arrange to visit a sweet old girlfriend and go out to dinner together in finery and heels.
Hotel overnight. This is the crème de la crème of Mommy Breaks. Using Priceline.com, you can usually book a room at a 3 or 4 star hotel a few days in advance for well-below advertised rates. This is a chance to sleep all you want, have total quiet, read, rest, and recoup. You've earned it, sister!
Step 2. Set Ground Rules
Be specific about how long you will be gone. And stick to your schedule. If, two hours into your break, you're convinced that your home is up in flames and your children are wandering the neighborhood in nothing but diapers, get a hold of yourself and take a deep breath. They will survive without you. Say it with me: "I need this break so I don't go to a home." There. Better now?
Step 3. Plan Your Next Break
Before you conclude your Mommy Break, make sure to identify another time within 10-14 days where a similar rest can be arranged.
And remember, a rested Mommy is a better Mommy.
in time
not straight back
curve around the corner
look behind the grey stone
under a bent snowdrop.
What was missed?
Above a branch, down a path
along the aqueduct in the fall
maples blinding out
all thought but of them,
the light, the smell of earth and
leaves alive and dying.
The trap I fell in has a different way out.
Wait, listen,
turn the barrel lock slowly, come back to it,
only one way to line up the numbers.
This time be the shift
as ease melts away tension,
something moves,
hooks fall away,
the sides of the lock gleam
and open to
a blank page, a lake of infinite colors,
and a ready hand.
From our good friend Sandra over at The Soulful Parent:
With all the "things" that we have on our "to do" lists everyday, the obvious sometimes escapes us. How about creating a "Ta Dah" list that includes things like: drinking enough water, telling a friend what they mean to you, hugging your kids, kissing your beloved, playing with your dog and smiling to a stranger?
So what's on your "Ta Dah" list today? Me? I plan to hug my teenage son even if he pulls away!
Photo by Mary Pohlmann
At PEACE of Mind, we think every day is an opportunity for awareness! As we welcome in Spring, as we begin to putter in our gardens, as we dust off our bicycles, as we begin to make plans for the summer as we look ahead to spending time outside with family and friends ... we ask you to spend a few moments updating your family on your family safety rules, spend a moment to talk to your child about Safety and take time to be aware!
Are you aware...
• that your child's safety needs change every 6 months?
• that adults are responsible for the safety of children?
• that by just talking to your child about safety reduces their risk for abuse or abduction?
• that you should not use scare tactics when talking to your kids about safety?
• that teaching "stranger Danger" does not work?
• that kids can sense "red flags" in people too?
• that even kids as young as 2 can start learning about safety?
• that tweens and teens still need you to talk to them about safety?
• that you have the power every single day to help a child?
Child safety and prevention education is our daily mission at PEACE of Mind. We hope that every adult will stop and take time to talk to a child about safety. Let the children in your life know that they are special and have the right to be safe.
About the Author: Kim Estes is the co-founder of the non-profit organization: Parent Education And Child Empowerment (P.E.A.C.E of Mind). Kim has worked with parents for over 12 years, educating them on various parenting topics. Kim and her cohort in crime prevention, Sabrina Sessa, help liberate parents from fearful parenting! Through non fearful techniques and easy to apply parenting strategies they help empower families to be safe. Follow us on Facebook and Twitter for quick safety tweets!
Twelve Step Parenting Process
Step Four
I recognize that my knee-jerk reactions are based in fear. I strive to address situations from a proactive rather than a reactive state.
Ever say harsh words to your child that you swear came directly from your own mother's mouth? "You are nothing but a lazy, no good for nothing.... you'll never amount to anything...." Whoops! How could I repeat those hurtful words to my own child? Easy! Often that slip of the tongue is a parent's fallback position or automatic response that erupt at times of overwhelming stress. Don't feel bad. We've all been there.
We CAN learn to predict our reactions and control our responses to stress. Here are a few ideas to control your anger. Visit our website for more suggestions.
When we are aware, we CAN learn to be responsive rather than reactive.
Writer Gregory Flannery describes When One Door Closes as "a travelogue of women's lives.... Edited by Terri Spahr Nelson, a clinical social worker in Oxford, Ohio, When One Door Closes does not settle for blithe happy endings but relates the hard-earned wisdom of women who have encountered detours, road closings and potholes and sometimes run out of gas on their journeys."
Read his complete review titled Every Woman a Road Warrior in Streetvibes.
