When Mother's Day Hurts
Mother's Day is not always a joyous time, especially for mothers of challenging children whose special needs and narcissistic behavior can spoil even a cup of tea.
Some time ago I came across an article titled Helping Moms Cope When Mother's Day Hurts geared to acknowledging grieving mothers. (Unfortunately that article by Renee Wood of Comfort Connection is no longer available on the Web.)
Renee's "ten simple ways to reach out to a grieving mother" applies to mothers of challenging children as well. Many of these mothers will not even hear the phrase "Happy Mother's Day, Mom!" let alone hear words of acknowledgment or appreciation.
So, with a nod of thanks to Renee at The Comfort Connection, I adapt some of her suggestions.
1. Recognize that you are a mother, but acknowledge that you too have suffered a loss - a loss of the dream.
2. Buy a flower -- put it in a vase in your bedroom.
3. Light a candle and sit still for a while. Mediate or just enjoy the silence.
4. Don't try to minimize the loss of the dream.
5. Practice self-care. Take time for you. Schedule a massage. Go for a walk.
6. Chill a bottle of bubbly (champagne or sparkling cider). On Mother's Day, grab a book, the newspaper, a magazine, and pour your bubbly into a special glass, sit back & relax (even if it's only long enough to down a glass or two.)
7. Send a card to another mother of a challenging child - a mom who is also unlikely to receive a note of thanks from her own child. My personal favorite this year is:
"Cheers! It's Mother's Day....Not traditionally a drinking holiday, but why the hell not, I say!"
To all my fellow mothers in the world, those with typical children, those with challenging children, and those grieving the death of a child, I send you the wish of comfort when times are hard and understanding when you've had enough. I hope you wish the same for me.
