A Wild Ride: Our Blog

Let's face it! Many of our challenging children, though often highly-intelligent, do not register high on the traditional report card scale. Some parents seem to accept this fact of life. Others see the report as merely a snapshot of the child's ability to turn in assignments and take tests. Still others feel it is a direct reflection of their parenting skills. For me, it's a foreshadowing of how the future may play out for my son (although I know lots of people who did horribly in school yet went on to lead constructive lives).

Regardless of how you take your child's progress (or lack there of), we thought you would appreciate the following from our friend Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com Cathy is committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism.

YIKES! Report cards and progress reports are coming home this week, causing stress at home for many families of school-aged kids with autism. This may be the first time that parents get an official report that their youngster is struggling with some behavior issues at school. Some parents react by fussing at the youngster. Others blame the teacher and schools. What is the most constructive way to deal with less-than-perfect report cards?

Respond calmly. Traditional report cards are not always effective ways to measure and report progress for many youngsters with autism. Rather than fussing at the kid or the teacher, just say something neutral like, “Looks like we have some areas that could use improvement.” Then calmly request a conference with the teacher so you can discuss areas of concern and work together to help the youngster move forward.

Take time to pinpoint the problem. A teacher reported that a friend’s son “never” followed directions. The teacher and parent worked together and observed that the active youngster actually followed directions all day long except when heading for lunch, when coming back from recess, or when doing math papers. Once they pinpointed the catalysts, the teacher was able to develop strategies to help him learn to follow directions during these three challenging times of day.

Another parent worked with her daughter’s high school teachers to find that the teen followed all directions given directly to her, but not those addressed to the group. They worked together to determine if the youngster was purposefully choosing to be incompliant, if she was not paying attention, or if she simply did not care about consequences.

It took some serious detective work, but another parent-teacher team discovered recently that a young student diagnosed with autism doesn’t follow the direction the first time it is given – at home AND at school - because he knows that he has some leeway. He has learned to wait until the teacher finally says, “Johnny, I have told you FOUR times to put your book back in the shelf. I really mean it this time.” Under the circumstances, it makes sense to simply keep reading the book until his teacher – or his parents – “really mean it.”

Report cards can cause stress and friction at home and at school, or they can be viewed as a tool for communicating concerns between parents and teachers, allowing the team to help pinpoint challenging issues and develop strategies to address them.

What are your thoughts on report cards? Send them to elizabeth@awildride.net. We want to hear from you.

Posted by Elizabeth at 1:57 PM in Back to School | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

My husband and I sat at the dining room table, quizzing our thirteen-year-old about his first day in public school.

“So what do they do in public school? Do the desks face forward? Do you sit in alphabetical order?” With each question I felt as if we were wizards questioning our son about his experience in the Muggle School. “Do you raise your hand? Call the teacher “sir” or “madam”?

Mark answered politely, “Yes, the desks face forward. They’re kinda hard to sit on. And yes, there is a seating plan, but I am going to ask if I can sit next to my friend Timmy.”

As parents who place educational excellence on a pedestal, allowing our second child to attend public school was a heart-breaking decision. We had no choice really. He refused to return to private school. Before last week, Mark’s entire academic career took place in a private school with small class sizes and individual attention. His older brother had thrived in the individuality offered by the same private schools Mark attended.

But already Mark seemed happier at public school. There were no reminders that his brother was away at college on the other side of the country. Mark was now surrounded by his own friends, not his brother’s. And he seemed to relish being lost in the crowd of public school students.

And he has learned an important lesson about public school – it’s all about the test! I hate this part but I’m getting use to it…sort of.

Perhaps it’s time that Mark learned how to handle the anxiety of test performance, learned how to handle the fact that few will care how best to reach or teach him, learned that he is not the only student in school who struggles with anxiety.

And so we begin the Year of Public School Education.

Posted by Elizabeth at 8:14 PM in Back to School | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

No Blog entries this week. I'm having an educational crisis with my youngest son. This problem, and hopefully its resolution, will make for great entries next week.

Cheers,

Elizabeth

Posted by Elizabeth at 5:47 PM in Back to School | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

At home, begin a modified school year routine a few weeks before school starts.

• Many children stay up later in the summer. If this is the case for your child, simply begin by taking their current bedtime and subtracting 15-30 minutes every few days. By the time school starts again, their body will already be adjusted to the school year time, making bedtime and getting up in the morning much easier.

• Instead of letting your child get up and eat when he wants, start getting him up around the time he will need to get up on a school day. Encourage him to get ready for the day by dressing, brushing his teeth, and eating his breakfast just as he will during the school year.

With a little planning, you can help assure that your child has the best start possible to the new school year. By advocating and making preparations now, you are laying the foundation for a successful school year.

Posted by Elizabeth at 1:59 AM in Back to School | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

2. Make arrangements for your child to visit the school with you separate from your meeting with his teacher. The first day of school is often chaotic as excited children rush through the hallways, noisily making their way to their new classrooms. This can be overwhelming for many children. One way to alleviate some of the stress is to make an appointment to visit the school before the first day of school.
• Assure your child’s new teacher that you do not need a lot of their time. You simply want your child to meet his teacher, and see the classroom. Your child’s teacher may want to show him where he’ll hang his coat or where his desk is.
• Walk the route your child will take to his classroom so that he can re-familiarize himself with the school. Visit the other rooms he will frequent, such as the music room, lunchroom, and gymnasium.

Posted by Elizabeth at 1:54 AM in Back to School | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Summer vacation is quickly coming to an end. As you contemplate the new school year, it’s time to regroup, rethink, and begin planning. If your child is in elementary school, the transition may mean just one new teacher. If he is in middle school or high school, it may mean five or more. Either way, the impact on your child is the same. New school years always mean lots of changes. To help your child make the transition smoothly, you need to begin developing a plan now.

Though the first day of the school year may be three or four weeks away, there is no time like the present to begin laying the foundation for a successful school year. Below are a few suggestions to get you started;

1. Put together a packet of information to share with your child’s teacher. Believe it or not, it is not uncommon for the new teacher to not have the paperwork necessary to teach your child. And sometimes they do have it, but haven’t taken the time to go through each child’s file carefully before the first day of school. This can be disastrous for your child and for the teacher as well. If the school year starts off rocky, it’s difficult to get it back on track. So rather than relying on the school system to get it right, advocate for your child right from the start. The best time to advocate for your child is before the school year even begins.
• Gather any information pertinent to your child’s education, such as his Individual Educational Plan (I.E.P.) or 504 Plan, his most current school assessment, and report cards. If you have information that is specific to your child’s condition, make copies of that too. By all means, include anything new that has come about during the summer, such as reports from doctors or other professionals.
• Two weeks before school starts call and ask for a meeting with your child’s teacher(s). Take along all the information you’ve gathered. Be prepared to share strategies for helping your child through this new transition. But also be prepared to listen carefully; you may hear hints about what your child will experience those first few days; hints that will help you prepare him. The purpose of the meeting is twofold; you will be sharing valuable information and you will be demonstrating your concern for your child right from the beginning.

Posted by Elizabeth at 1:50 AM in Back to School | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Even though the holidays are upon us, our children still must struggle through their homework. In fact, for challenging children, homework during December is even more difficult than other times of the year. So this week, we dedicate our Blog to Homework!

Q: My child wants to park himself in the family room and play loud music while he does his homework. I think he should sit quietly at his desk in his room so that he can focus. Who's right?

A: It really is not a question of who's right, but instead, how can you set the stage for your child to complete his homework without nightly battles. Look at the bigger picture here. Ask yourself what can I do to create an environment for my child to succeed in. This is your goal.

You'll want to consider your child's individual learning style; the environmental preferences that help him to concentrate, and the essential strategies that will set the stage for success. Some children focus better when they are listening to music and are in the midst of family functions. Other's need complete silence, free from visual distractions. What does your child need? You may be on one end of the scale and your child on the other. Pay attention to what his learning needs are and help set up a successful environment.

If his steps toward success are impacting you in a negative way (his loud music is not calming for you!), you can ask that he wear head phones. If he needs to sprawl instead of sitting at a desk or table, ask that he move to an area where you are not impacted by him. Remember to appreciate and acknowledge his strengths and abilities, and yours!

Don't forget our first birthday contest! For details, visit A Wild Ride.

Photo © Julián Rovagnati - Fotolia.com

Posted by Elizabeth at 5:24 AM in Back to School | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

One of our readers's Beth Vogt from Mommy-Come-Lately sent the following comment and question:

I'm intrigued by the different conference options available these days: parent/teacher, including the student, and now student-led conferences. Maybe I'm straddling the fence here, but why does it have to be an all or nothing proposition? Why does it have to be one or the other? Maybe give the parents or students a choice. I know one of my daughter's wouldn't have felt comfortable--at least at a young age--doing a student-led conference. My son, on the other hand, would have relished the opportunity.

I also agree with Mary Scribner (see Student-Led Conferences) that there needs to be some time where parents and teachers can talk about a student without the student being there.

I just attended my first-grader's first parent/teacher conference. Before I went, I asked if there was anything I needed to know. "Well, my teacher did have to tell me not to say "ain't," my daughter told me. That's the only problem she could think of. Her teacher and I had a good chuckle over that.

So how can a parent request a conference other than the one the school is coordinating?

From Parent Coach Mary Scribner: I would go directly to the teacher, either by phone or email. Find a time that is convenient for the teacher. Be prepared and empathize with how little time the teacher may have. Again use the approach of working together as a team and collaborating toward helping your child succeed.

Have a question for Mary? Just email her.

Posted by Elizabeth at 5:58 AM in Back to School | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

Parent-Teacher Conferences is the theme this month on the A Wild Ride Web site. Under strategies you will find ways to Feel Successful Before, During and After Parent-Teacher Conferences from Parent Coach Rachel Eden. You’ll also find Karen L. Alainiz’s story Time for A Change and several useful resources.

Earlier this week, I wrote about the trend to include the student in the conferences, a trend I support but others prefer the traditional approach. Beth K. Vogt, author of the book BABY CHANGES EVERYTHING: Embracing and Preparing for Motherhood after 35 and the Blog Mommy-Come-Lately , commented on my post:

I've only participated in parent-teacher conferences--lots of them, with three grown children and one in first grade. It always worked well for me the old-fashioned way. I'm not adverse to the P-T-S conference. I figure the P-T conference shouldn't tell me anything I don't already know.

Now I hear of another trend: Student-Led Conferences. We’ve not experienced this type of conference. My first thought is that for a child with special needs or other issues this "assignment" might be extremely daunting. But then I took a quick poll of my fellow-challenged moms and it turns out that most of them saw their child rise to the occasion during a student-led conference.

So I asked my partner Mary Scribner (RN and Parent Coach), here's what she had to say:

When I first heard of student lead conferences I thought it was a terrible idea. No teacher contact. Ridiculous! I then attended my first student lead conference and was wholly impressed. My son was organized, articulate, insightful and could clearly tell us what subjects he was doing well in and where he needed more support. He spoke nonstop for a full 20 minutes about himself. I was very impressed with the process.

That said, I still think that there needs to be a forum for the parent to discuss the student's progress, strengths, and weaknesses with the teacher. I want to hear how my son is doing from the teacher's perspective and also to connect with another adult who is influencing my son's education and growth.

What do you think? Send me an email.

Photo © Karen Roach - Fotolia.com

Posted by Elizabeth at 6:29 AM in Back to School | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

When attending the parent conference consider the following from Parent Coach Rachel Eden.

"This is an opportunity to identify the common ground you and the teacher share and clear up any misconceptions about your child or one another.

By identifying what you know your student does well, and what works well in the classroom setting, you and her teacher can together expand that common ground to build on your child's strengths while tackling challenging areas."

To read more of Rachel's suggestions, visit Feel Successful Before, During and After Parent Teacher Conferences.

Posted by Elizabeth at 5:52 AM in Back to School | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Seems the latest trend in Parent-Teacher conferences is to add the student to the mix. Some controversy swirls around this progressive decision. Is it right for every parent and every student?

Both my sons went to private schools where the student was part of the discussion. At first this was extremely intimidating for my older son whose first such conference included my son, me, and his seven teachers. I think it would be overwhelming for anyone to face this many people.

Although most of the discussion was positive, there were some disruptive behavior patterns starting to emerge and together we worked on a solution. Had my son not been present would the outcome have been the same? Or would I have come home from such a conference and had a conversation that went something like this?

“Jake, I met with your teachers today?”

“What?”

“I said, I met with your teachers today.”

“Huh?”

“Take the earplugs out of your ears, turn off the IPod and look at me.”

“Is there something wrong, Mom?”

“No, well, yes. Your teachers said that you talk too much in class.”

“I do not!”

“They say you distract your fellow students, especially John.”

“They’re a bunch of liars.”

“Are you saying your teachers lied to me?”

“Well, no but they didn’t understand. I was trying to keep John from getting into trouble again.”

“Really, how were you doing that?”

“I was trying to tell him to quit looking at my paper. I think he was trying to cheat Mom.”

“Okay. Well, they also said that there are several missing assignments.”

“No way. Not true. I turned in all my assignments. The teachers are too disorganized to find them.”

And so it goes.

Personally I like the accountability of the Parent-Student-Teacher conference for ALL parties involved.

To learn more, read A Twist on Parent-Teacher Conferences in Teacher Magazine.

What do you think about this type of conference? Send your thougths and comments to Elizabeth@awildride.net.

Posted by Elizabeth at 6:41 AM in Back to School | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Kelly at AutismSupportsForYou.com sent us this piece printed in the Charlotte Observer:

Parents, some school tips for special-needs children
Find your child's strengths, let go and follow his lead by BETSY FLAGLER

For students with special needs, going back to school is far more complex than new backpacks and the hottest clothes. Here are tips from parents, professionals and two kids to make the school year a success for kids with special challenges:

First, words of wisdom for teachers and parents from a boy diagnosed with autism: "Respect your students' diverse routes to learning and their diverse styles of manifesting what they have learned."

Having respect means walking on a two-way street, where each child's different learning styles are understood, not squashed, says his mother, Morton Ann Gernsbacher, a psychology professor at the University of Wisconsin in Madison.

Read More...

Posted by Elizabeth at 6:05 AM in Back to School | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Kelly from AutismSupportsForYou.com wrote to us about a new "interactive tool that asks parents, caregivers or teachers about a child's specific learning needs and then recommends individualized classroom supports that can be used for students with Autism and other similar learning styles."

I checked out the site (love the graphic) and found it very user-friendly. Parents are asked to complete a survey that asks questions from a parent, caregiver or educator about a child’s particular learning style and needs. Based on that feedback, it generates a report of individual strategies that can be applied immediately.

According to the site: "The Classroom Support Plan provides individualized, hands-on recommendations to parents and teachers about how to help students with Autism and similar needs have the most successful experience at school."

In an email to me, Kelly explains that "the individualized suggestions focus on using what students with Autism are best at to help them achieve greater success in situations and environments that can be difficult for them such as making friends, smoothly transitioning between different parts of the day, completing tasks, managing emotions and behaviors, understanding social expectations, and handling sensory information in ways that are conducive to a positive learning environment."

Kelly also tells us that "the Classroom Support Plan is designed for children in pre-school through 5th grade with Autism Spectrum Disorders or facing related communication, social, sensory, or movement differences. The content was created by Nanette Negri, Ph.D., and Lisa Hoeme, Educational Consultants for Imagine a Child?s Capacity, based on their many years supporting students with Autism in classroom settings. As a mother of a son on the Spectrum, I know some of these strategies have been effective for him."

There is a one-time fee of $19.95. I'm not one for "quick answers" but the fee seems reasonable enough to give it a try.

It was developed in partnership with Imagine a Child's Capacity, a site that offers parent trainings and clinic services in the Madison, Wisconsin area.

Posted by Elizabeth at 7:56 AM in Back to School | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

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FRIENDSHIP STRATEGIES

Here it is -- September already. The “not-so-lazy daze” of summer is waning as we gear up for another school year. If you have a school-age child, her emotions may be all over the map; from anticipatory excitement to extreme dread.

This is true for pre-schoolers as well. This may be the first time your little guy has been away from his parents on a regular basis. A big change that may give the whole family the shivers.

The social scene at school, though it changes as children age, presents countless challenging situations: difficulty sharing, hurt feelings, bullying, teasing, competition, pressure to fit in.

To help your child (ren) work on making and keeping friends, I offer various strategies depending on the age of the child. Some of those strategies include:

For preschoolers:
1. Make sure your child's play dates are short, about 1-1 1/2 hours.
2. Listen in with a baby monitor so you can short circuit any conflicts that could quickly turn sour.

For school-age children:
1. Discuss how her behavior affects other kids and her friendships with them.
2. Share with them your own stories of friendship challenges when you were growing up.

Learning how to be a good friend and positively and collaboratively interact with others is a lifelong process. The more positive reinforcement you can give your child now, the better!

Check out my complete list of ideas by visiting Strategies. ~Mary

To learn more about Mary, visit Sound Parent Coaching.

Posted by Elizabeth at 8:52 AM in Back to School | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Here's a good reminder from Terri Mauro. On her site, About.com Parenting Special Needs, Terri offers Five Ways to Stop School Behavior Problems. The advise below is a good reminder regardless if your child is challenging or "normal."

Be realistic about your child's abilities.

Pushing and motivating and holding high expectations can drive some children to be all they can be, but it can drive others straight into anxiety and depression. Would you want to work at a job, day in and day out, where you always had to be at the top of your abilities, handling things you weren't quite on top of and hoping things turn out alright? Kids can't quit, and they have very little recourse in terms of demanding better working conditions, but they can find all sorts of ways to act out their anger and despair. Be honest and compassionate when considering what sort of classroom your child will learn best in and what sorts of supports he or she will require. Academics are important, and it's not wrong to make them your biggest concern, but emotional support and feelings of mastery are important, too.

Photo © Michael Flippo

Posted by Elizabeth at 6:10 AM in Back to School | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Whether dealing with your child's fear of school or other anxieties, here's some good advice from Don't ignore your child's fear of school by Sandy Spurgeon McDaniel, originally published in the August 7 edition of the Orange County Register.

Every great philosopher says to live in the moment. To live tomorrow robs the potential of today. Teach your child to focus on something worth doing today. Put a fearful thought about school, which is not happening today, in a balloon and let it go.

Posted by Elizabeth at 7:33 AM in Back to School | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

If your child is in counseling – think ahead and schedule appointments outside of school hours, if possible. This makes it less intrusive on her day and alleviates any "make up" work.

Photo by Michael Flippo

Posted by Elizabeth at 6:02 AM in Back to School | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

If your child is younger and new to riding the school bus here are a few strategies you can try.

1. Call your school district and arrange a bus tour before school begins.

2. Arrange to have an older child in the neighborhood be her bus buddy.

3. Form a small car pool if buses are too over-stimulating or overwhelming for her.

A stressful start to the school day can mean a difficult time until that last bell rings.

Photo © Scott Milless - Fotolia.com

Posted by Elizabeth at 5:00 AM in Back to School | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Shop for new school clothes and school supplies early to beat the crowds, minimize chaos, and alleviate sensory overload. Make this a fun adventure. If you child HATES to shop for clothes, plan ahead and couple the "dreaded" chore with a fun activity for when you are finished. Or, shop for your child.

Photo © Michael Flippo - Fotolia.com

Posted by Elizabeth at 5:55 AM in Back to School | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

If your child has difficulty with transitions or is slow to adapt to change, begin an earlier bedtime and wake-up routine a few weeks before school starts. At least one week before, have your child go to bed and get up at the actual time school will be starting. This will help her begin – and get used to – a predictable routine before that first day of school. This should also help her nervous system adapt to the new schedule.

To read more of Mary's Strategies, click here.

Posted by Elizabeth at 6:48 AM in Back to School | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Make the rest of the summer memorable and fun so your child starts school refreshed with memories she can draw on during the school year.

To read more of Mary's Strategies, click here.

Posted by Elizabeth at 10:21 AM in Back to School | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)