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Recent Issues
Do It For You!
Holidays
December 25, 2007
December 24, 2007
PLAY TIME!
Meet Melitsa!
In the spirit of the holidays, today's Blog entry focuses on PLAY. Many of us struggle during this season with children whose sensory issues can not take in all the activities, noises and smells of the season. In short, they seem to find it difficult to play.
A while back, Melitsa from Play-Activities contacted me about her site. I checked it out and found some excellent play suggestions. I particulary like this site's FAQs. When I spoke (via the Intranet) with the author, Melitsa , I shared my own experiences and those of some of our readers. Melitsa understands exactly how we, as parents, feel, and she encourages us with her comment:
At the beginning , my son who is particularly shy needed the stimulation and ideas to start an activity. He was much like how you describe your son. Then gradually he would take it and make it his own. Now, there is nothing stopping him. He has many ideas of his own that are original and many borrowed from playmate friends, and what he sees around him.
Don't forget some play time for yourself. Here are a few suggestions:
* Schedule a massage. (Money tight? Massage schools often offer free or low cost massages as part of the training.)
* Call a friend.
* Take a bubble bath.
* Eat a piece of gourmet chocolate.
* Paint your toes a wild color. (Even dad's can try this one.)
* Go to the library. Sit. Stare out the window. Read a magazine you've never heard of.
For more Do It For You ideas, visit the A Wild Ride Web site. In the upper righthand corner of each page, you'll find different Do It For You suggestions.
Photo © jeancliclac - Fotolia.com
December 22, 2007
Holiday Question Answered by Naomi W. Dumfries
A Wild Ride welcomes Naomi from Tales of a Single Parent . Naomi answered our question:
Every year my family falls short of giving me a thoughtful present. It hurts my feelings about how little time they spend on my gift while I devote time, energy and money on theirs. I'm not asking for anything expensive. How can I get my family to honor me?
In addition to learning to honor herself, it is also important that she verbalize how she feels to her family. Maybe they are unaware of her hurt feelings. By talking with them, her family can begin to understand where she is coming from. Communication goes a long way.
Thanks for the reminder that sometimes we suffer in silence not because our family is cold and insensitive but because they simply do not know what's on our mind. Visit Naomi's site, Tales of A Single Parent, for some excellent self-care suggestions!
December 20, 2007
Holiday Question Answered by Bad Momma
Every year my family falls short of giving me a thoughtful present. It hurts my feelings about how little time they spend on my gift while I devote time, energy and money on theirs. I'm not asking for anything expensive. How can I get my family to honor me?
Here's an answer from Bad Momma:
The Holiday gift season used to cause me much anxiety. I would feel bad if the gift I gave was not as nice as the one I received. Conversely it also would bother me if I spent considerable more time and money than the other person. I also felt guilty if someone unexpectedly brought me a present and I had nothing for them. I ended up creating a " gift drawer" of items I would find, usually on sale throughout the year. When a friend showed up with an unexpected gift, I was prepared. This works well for birthdays too.
As far as my family goes, we give each other a few "suggestions" to help make the job easier. Pajamas, books and gift cards are perfect for my kids. Only child-free adults get gifts. My husband and I will buy a joint gift for ourselves. One year it was matching recliners; another new cell phones.
I don't need much and sometimes too many random, odd, gifts bother me. It is wasteful and I rather not get anything. If feelings are getting hurt, it may be time to stop exchanging gifts. Perhaps split the cost of an evening out.
Check out more of what Bad Momma has to say on her site where she shares "ramblings & life lessons from a late-in-life mom such as why it is important to use your reading glasses when dispensing medications!"
December 18, 2007
More holiday Q & A
Q: What is the best gift I can give myself?
Answer from Parent Coach and A Wild Ride creator/author Mary Scribner:
A: What a great question! I think the very best gift you can give yourself is the gift of self compassion. If you are like most moms you have more to do in a day than you can possibly accomplish and at the end of that day, you may blame yourself for not doing it all. Don't beat yourself up when your circumstances don't meet your ideal or your self-imposed standards. Give yourself a break and instead ask your tired spirit what it needs. How about some understanding? Some nurturing? Some self respect? Shift your critical thinking to appreciating all that you have done. Focus on the positive and be grateful for all that is possible.
What's your opinion? Comment below or send a message to Elizabeth. We want to hear from you!
December 16, 2007
Holiday Q & A
Q: Every year my family falls short of giving me a thoughtful present. It hurts my feelings about how little time they spend on my gift while I devote time, energy and money on theirs. I'm not asking for anything expensive. How can I get my family to honor me?
From Parent Coach and A Wild Ride creator/author Mary Scribner:
A: You obviously are very generous and put considerable effort into choosing just the right gift for your family. If this act gives meaning to you then that is great. If not you may want to re-evaluate your approach. Your family may not have a clue when it comes to a gift that would be meaningful to you. Why not give them some hints (list) of what you would like. They may really appreciate knowing rather than guessing (and coming up wrong!)
It sounds like you may have some expectations here that are not being met. Be careful. Expectations are the gateway to disappointment. What you may really need is to feel acknowledged and appreciated. Everyone needs that. Perhaps you could begin by writing down 5 things you appreciate about yourself everyday. Keep adding to the list and think about how good it feels to honor yourself.
Don't forget our contest! All levels of writing encouraged!!! Visit here for more details.
December 14, 2007
Adults with Anxiety Disorders
It's not just our children who struggle during the holidays. Many of us parents suffer from our own anxieties and issues. In fact, there are 40 million adults in the country who deal daily with an anxiety disorder. And the holidays trigger even more stress! This month on the ADAA (Anxiety Disorders Association of America) Web site you'll find helpful information on what triggers anxiety and how to relieve it.
For example, here's their advice on handling holiday parties:
* Identify what you are specifically concerned about. Are you afraid you will say the wrong thing? Embarrass yourself? Ask yourself what if any of these things happen: Will you lose your job, your family, your friends? Tell yourself, “So what!” The worst that will happen is that you will feel uncomfortable, or maybe very uncomfortable.
* Take the pressure off yourself. “Don’t be a perfectionist. If you set high expectations for yourself and for others, you increase the chances of being let down,” says Jonathan Abramowitz, PhD, ABPP, of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. “Anticipate that some things won’t go exactly as planned — and that’s OK.”
* Remember that most people aren’t paying as much attention to you as you fear they are. In fact, most other people are actually wondering what you are thinking of them, so try complimenting them. Making other people feel good during the holidays will make you feel good and reduce stress.
* Don’t look for relief in alcohol or drugs. Although it can be tempting to “take the edge off” in holiday situations, alcohol and drugs can make anxiety worse and may trigger panic attacks in people who are prone to them.
* Do smile, make eye contact, and ask questions at holiday gatherings. Most people like to talk about themselves and their interests. Ask what their holiday plans are, what their kids are up to, or what book is on their nightstand. Avoid topics like religion or politics that can be stressful or make people argumentative.
Read more on How to Handle the Holidays.
December 12, 2007
Holiday Q&A from FAQAutism
In your opinion, what is the biggest obstacle that parents must face during the holiday period? What is the biggest obstacle children face?
From Cathy Knoll at FAQautism:
These two questions intertwine, but the answers probably depend on the ages of the kids, the nature and severity of their disability, and the circumstances at home. Some youngsters really thrive on all the excitement of the holiday. In my experience, many youngsters struggle at this time of year. Obstacles in several categories come to mind - logistics, behavior, health, and patience.
LOGISTICAL ISSUES
+ If parents work, finding adequate day care on work days can be a nightmare, particularly if the youngster is a pre-teen or teen.
+ A holiday trip to visit family involves detailed planning (and prayer!) to make the path smooth for all involved.
+ By the same token, having house guests - even for one night - can be challenging for the youngster as well as parents AND the house guest(s).
BEHAVIOR ISSUES
+ Change in routine can cause distress for some children.
+ Extended periods of unstructured free time can be difficult for youngsters.
+ Some youngsters are not able to process the myriad of sensory input - holiday lights and sounds, the smell of new foods, tree decorations, etc.
+ Younger children can have difficulty dealing with "no touch" holiday decorations and gifts.
+ Pre-teens and teens can struggle with lack of contact with their peers and friends with whom they spend a great deal of time at school or regular activities.
+ The holidays are either feast or famine - either long days of boredom while waiting for things to happen, or times filled with excessive people, noise, lights, excitement, etc.
+ Being around extended family can cause parents to feel more pressure for their youngster to be well-behaved, cute and/or smart, and generally perfect.
HEALTH ISSUES
+ The increase in sugar during the holidays is trying for everyone.
+ Youngsters with food allergies or food sensitivities may have some problems with all the tempting foods.
+ It may be the shorter days, but I observe more gloomy and "depressed" behavior during December and January.
PATIENCE
+ Parents are often balancing obligations at work with the typical holiday stress, so their patience can wear thin.
I've written about some of these issues on FAQautism. In the next two weeks, I'll be addressing holiday visits, road trips, gift giving on my site and welcome any input about challenges and/or creative solutions from A Wild Ride readers.
Check out Cathy's Web site. It's a valuable resource and the pod casts are well worth your time.
December 11, 2007
More holiday Q & A
In your opinion, what is the biggest obstacle that parents must face during the holiday period?
From Parent Coach and A Wild Ride creator/author Mary Scribner:
The biggest obstacle that parents face during the holidays are the expectations of family and friends. There are so many potentially difficult situations during the holidays; unstructured days, lack of routine, exuberant relatives, surprises, reactions to stimulation, etc. If parents are visiting extended family who have little understanding of the child's difficulties, the parents may be feeling like they are walking on eggshells; waiting for something terrible to happen. This stress can be an obstacle to enjoying being with both your immediate and extended family.
What's your opinion? Comment below or send a message to Elizabeth. We want to hear from you!
Don't forget our contest! All levels of writing encouraged!!! Visit here for more details.
December 9, 2007
A holiday Q&A
In your opinion, what is the biggest obstacle that children with challenges must face during the holiday period?
From Parent Coach and A Wild Ride creator/author Mary Scribner:
The biggest obstacle that children with challenges face during the holidays is having stressed out parents who are trying to do too much. Drained, well-meaning parents who drag their overtired kids to just one more store, one more party, one more batch of baked cookies, one more special holiday event, one more family gathering....STOP! Feeling overwhelmed, these sensitive kids become anxious and exhausted and cease to cope. They need parents who realize they can't do it all and are willing to set realistic expectations for themselves and their children.
What's your opinion? Comment below or send a message to Elizabeth. We want to hear from you!
© Wendy Hotalling - Fotolia.com
Don't forget our contest! All levels of writing encouraged!!! Visit here for more details.
December 5, 2007
Top Ten Tips for Choosing Toys for Children with Disabilities
From the AblePlay.org Web site, here's a list of questions to help guide parents make their gift decisions.
1. Multisensory appeal
Does the toy respond with lights, sounds, or movement to engage the child?
Are there contrasting colors? Does it have a scent? Is there texture?
2. Method of activation
Will the toy provide a challenge without frustration? What is the force required to activate? What are the number and complexity of steps required to activate?
3. Where toy will be used
Will the toy be easy to store? Is there space in the home? Can the toy be used in a variety of positions such as side-lying or on wheelchair tray?
4. Opportunities for success
Can play be open-ended with no definite right or wrong way? Is it adaptable to the child’s individual style, ability and pace?
5. Current popularity
Is it a toy that will help the child with disabilities feel like “any other kid”? Does it tie-in with other activities like books and art sets that promote other forms of play?
6. Self-expression
Does the toy allow for creativity, uniqueness, and choice-making? Will it give the child experience with a variety of medium?
7. Adjustability
Does it have adjustable height, sound volume, speed, level of difficulty?
8. Child’s individual characteristics
Does the toy provide activities that reflect both developmental and chronological ages? Does it reflect the child’s interests and age?
9. Safety and durability
Consider the child’s size and strength. Does the toy have moisture resistance?
Is the toy and its parts sized appropriately? Can it be washed and cleaned?
10. Potential for interaction
Will the child be an active participant during use? Will the toy encourage social engagement with others?
For more great information, visit AblePlay.org.
Tomorrow: Back to Homework!
December 4, 2007
Toys for Special Needs Children
I know I said that the Blog theme this week would be Homework, but this information and Web site, AblePlay.org, recently came to my Inbox and I HAD to share it with you. It’s timely and valuable information.
From Chris Coleman at AblePlay.org: Holiday time is exciting for every child, but it can be tricky for parents, grandparents and friends, selecting toys for differently-abled children. Afraid of selecting the “wrong” toys, many parents, families and friends of special needs children end up placing socks and pajamas in those brightly colored boxes, instead of what kids really want – toys and games.
Like all children, kids with disabilities want to have fun. And, parents want to make sure that they’re buying the best, and most appropriate, toys for that child. So how you do you begin? “The first step is to look at what your child can do and what skills you want your child to use or practice. Think about skills such as fine motor, gross motor, language, or reading,” says Diana Nielander, Executive Director for the National Lekotek Center. “The key to choosing a successful toy is understanding your child’s abilities AND the features of the toys.”
In order to help parents learn about the “hidden” features of toys, they recently launched www.ableplay.org, a free website designed to help parents make the best match between the toys and their children. On the site, you can actually purchase toys that have been independently evaluated and rated by Lekotek’s trained therapeutic play experts.
I particularly liked the ability to find toys and gifts specific to the child’s needs. Select from the following lists to narrow your search:
• General disability category (e.g. physical, sensory, communicative, cognitive)
• Specific disability (from ADHD and Autism to Sensory Integration and Spina Bifida)
• Product category (e.g. arts and crafts, educational, and outdoor play)
• Age range
• Brand
• Product Name.
Visit the site often as they are continually adding new products.
Tomorrow on the Blog: Top Ten Tips for Choosing Toys for Children with Disabilities. (Then we'll go back to Homework!)
November 26, 2007
What's on Your Wish List?
If you are a white-knuckled parent, it's imperative (did I say that strongly enough) to take time to nurture yourself.
Don't know where or how to start? Check out Alice D. Domar's book Self-Nurture: Learning to care for yourself as effectively as you care for everyone else.
November 25, 2007
The Gift of Nothing
As we enter the gift-giving, gift-receiving season, I want to share a gem of a book my sister sent me last year. It’s called The Gift of Nothing by Patrick McDonnell, featuring “the stars of the Mutts comic strip, Mooch the cat and his canine friend, Earl, break out of the Sunday funnies into the picture book world.”
Written for ages 6 – 10, this delightful book reminds all-ages that “nothing can be everything.” To me, this Zen-like message goes deep. It suggests that it is our expectations of gifts and gift-giving that prevents us from enjoying the experience.
Long ago, I learned not to have expectations around gifts. Gifts I just knew the kids would love, they didn’t. Gifts I just knew they would buy for me, they didn’t. Now, for Mother’s Day, my birthday, or Christmas, my only expectation is to not have to lift a finger on that day. No fancy presents, no restaurant meals necessary. I just don’t want to cook, clean, or otherwise engage in my daily routine.
As far as gifts for my children, yes, I know they expect something. I usually buy them a present or two, something they request, but my most precious gift to them is the gift of my time. I tell them, pick a day and we’ll spend it doing what YOU want to do.
Now, they are normal teens, and they consider this the gift of nothing. Yet once we are in the heart of their special day they start asking when can we do this again.
What special gift suggestions do you want to share here? Send an e-mail or comment below. I'm always looking for new ideas ~ something they are not expecting.
November 21, 2007
Happy Thanksgiving!
Today, Thanksgiving Day in the U.S., is all about gratitude (and food, but that goes without saying). If you surf the blogsphere, you will find some lovely tributes of appreciation.
While it may not be politically-correct, my partner, Mary Scribner, and I would like to share our own moments of self-appreciation. Parents, especially mothers, rarely take the time to value themselves. Today we encourage you to do so.
From Mary:
• I am grateful that my son still speaks to me after all of the horrible mommy moments I've exposed him to.
• I am grateful that I realized (before it was too late) that my son's experiences were about him and not about me.
• I am grateful that I learned (before I ruined my relationship with my son) to stop micro-managing him. I'm grateful to be a recovering micro-manager.
From Elizabeth:
• I am grateful for my husband who learned all his great parenting techniques from me (and Mary).
• I am grateful for my sense of humor that keeps me smiling when I’d rather cry.
• I am grateful for my vast reserves of patience. I don’t blow my top often but when I do – LOOK OUT!
• I am grateful for my ability to write so that I can share my thoughts and stories with all of you.
Wishing you a satisfying Thanksgiving.
Cheers, Elizabeth & Mary
November 20, 2007
Holiday Family Visits
I recently came across this easy to read and delightful to hear web site called FAQAutism. It is the brainchild of Cathy Knoll, MA, MT-BC, "a board certified music therapist with over 30 years clinical experience with children, teens, and adults diagnosed with autism". (Oh boy, I wonder what she would think about my Suzuki parenting) and Dwight Knoll, "a technical wizard who grew up with many friends with autism and has professional experience working as a mentor of individuals with autism."
On their web site, Cathy and Dwight offer some suggestions for Holiday Visits. They also provide a Podcast on the subject. Here's an excerpt from the article:
Holiday visits can raise the stress level for all families, and the issues related to autism can add to the pressure. Each family must make its own decision about visiting extended family, but there are several factors that you might want to consider. Today’s podcast takes a look at some of the emotional issues surrounding family gatherings, and the podcast “More on Holiday Visits” suggests some practical strategies for making visits more comfortable for everyone.
1. Don’t expect perfection.
2. Don’t make assumptions.
3. Grow thick skin. (My personal favorite)
4. Don’t let others dictate.
5. Relax and enjoy.
Of course, the article goes into detail on these strategies and I am not doing it justice here. I recommend you visit FAQAutism for the complete article. Other useful articles on the site include:
Better Holiday Visits
Road Trip
Giving Thanks
Holiday House Guests
(For more on this topic read A Wild Ride's own Mary Scribner Blog entry A Stress Less Thanksgiving.)
Cold Turkey Approach
November 17, 2007
A Humorous Stress Less Idea
For the last entry of National Stress Øut Week, I want to share some thoughts on humor.
Keeping a sense of humor is essential when dealing with parenting challenges, and it's even more important during the holidays when Stress tops the charts.
Here is a laughable idea you might want to take seriously.
From Jennifer Spinuzzi at Tropical Fruit Bowl:
My suggestion for a stress free Thanksgiving... HIDE! Turn off the phones, change your address and come back after New Years. Other than that, maybe a little more wine with dinner or Nyquil in the stuffing.
(Read Jennifer's November 13th entry "Bored." As a parent, you will definitely relate.)
Another idea is to let your child eat whatever makes him happy on Thanksgiving day (as long as he is not allergic to it of course) or let him NOT eat if that's his choice.
Yes, my daughter would like a Happy Meal. Please hold the meal and she’ll be happy.
This line is from Shut Up About Your Perfect Kid. Check them out for irreverent parenting suggestions.
November 16, 2007
Stress Less Thanksgiving Ideas – Continued
When I requested Thanksgiving Stress Less ideas, I received this suggestion from Amy at Crunchy Domestic Goddess. We may have heard this idea before but the delightful story is worth sharing.
Last year, when I was 41 weeks pregnant, we ordered our Thanksgiving dinner from Whole Foods. It took all of the stress out of planning and cooking, but we still enjoyed a very tasty meal.
My son made his debut (at home in a planned home birth) on Thanksgiving Day. He was born at 2:14 p.m. and by 3:30 p.m. my husband, daughter, sister and I, as well as our midwives, were all feasting on our pre-made turkey dinner. It was one of the best meals I’d ever eaten. And we had leftovers for about a week afterwards which was especially nice since we were all too busy enjoying our new son to cook!
I don’t know why I’m not doing it again this year (the Whole Foods part, not the giving birth on Thanksgiving Day part), but there’s something about cooking at home that’s quite satisfying (when you aren’t 41 weeks pregnant).
Another great idea comes from Andie D at Grumppopotamus. This suggestion is true any time you consider entertaining at home.
A good idea is to ask guests to help. Most people want to help, and it brings everyone together. MUCH better than having a stressed out host with guests sitting around pretending that they are having fun.
On a personal note, today I am thankful for my husband and older son who prepare the food for our annual Post-Thanksgiving Thanksgiving (less stress because it gives us more time to prepare). This is the second year they have done the cooking which makes it a tradition in my book.
Photo by © Dóri O'Connell - Fotolia.com
November 15, 2007
The Grateful Box (by Elizabeth)
One week before Thanksgiving and we’re hauling out the decorations. Rather meager items, I must say, like the politically incorrect Pilgrims and Indians candleholders.
Buried in the bottom of the cardboard decorations container is a special wooden box, hand painted by a small child who is now almost 18. Each year I leave the box on the counter with a pen and small slips of paper. Every member of the family writes a thought of gratefulness on a paper and deposits it into the box. Over the week we add as many grateful suggestions as possible. Then I read all our comments aloud on Thanksgiving morning.
There are no restrictions and no censorship. One year, when the boys were 7 and 12, one of them wrote that he was thankful for his penis. Fair enough.
Today I’ll start jotting down my own areas of appreciation and gratitude.
First, I want to thank my youngest son who taught me:
1. Resentment is an ugly emotion. No, I don't resent the fact that I am stuck in this hotel room with you while the rest of the family parties out on the town.
2. Patience. No, I'm not impatient whne you have an anxiety attack everytime I plan a night out.
3. The meaning of unconditional love. Yes, I know you love me and don't want me out of your sight.
4. Problems are better solved if tackled together rather than alone. Together we've learned new ways to deal with depression and anxiety, perfectionism and expectations. A sincere thank you!
Tell me, what would be in your Grateful Box? Or post a comment here.
For some delightful moments of Gratitude, visit The Zen of Motherhood by Mama Zen.
Photo by Mary Pohlmann
November 14, 2007
Stress Less Thanksgiving Ideas -- Food
Not surprisingly, most of the suggestions we received for a Stress Less Thanksgiving related to Food. Here are several excellent ideas from friends and readers:
From The Twinkies (a web site on Mothering Multiples -- Check out the November 12th entry titled Balancing Act.):
Don't cook anything you don't cook comfortably all the time. Lots of family coming over is the WRONG time to roast a bird if you only do it once a year. The pressure will make you miserable. Cook things you enjoy cooking. Have other people bring items or buy them pre-made at the grocery store.
And you don't have to serve turkey. You can decide to serve lasagna if you wish. When do guests dictate the menu anyway? If they don't like it, let them host the dinner and you can bring a nice bottle of wine or a pint of ice cream and wash your hands of the whole, stressful affair."
From Misty at Soapbox SUPERSTAR: Don't You Judge Me: I would suggest ordering your meal from Boston Market! Their Chilled Banquets are so delicious and come all ready. You just pick it up at a time convenient for you (I suggest earlier vs. later due to the crowds) and heat it up when you get home.
The food is really good. The pricing is actually CHEAPER than what it would cost if you bought all the ingredients at the store. And it's totally worth the stress relief."
Send us your own Stress Less Thanksgiving ideas by commenting below. You can also email me: Elizabeth .
(Note: The pie picture above is clearly a STORE BOUGHT pie. This is a good thing!)
Photo © Roslen Mack - Fotolia.com
November 13, 2007
Stress Less Thankgiving Ideas
Thanks to our readers and friends, we offer you some excellent suggestions for de-stressing your holiday. The suggestions, so far, fall into four categories: Travel, Food, Humor and Gratitude.
Today we'll focus on Travel since that one requires advanced planning. Not all our children, especially those with sensory issues, will want to travel, but I'm impressed with the traditions these families created for themselves.
From Amanda: "My husband and I are planning a trip to the Maine coast with our girls. We'll begin a tradition of our own that revolves around being thankful for each other, not around bird injected with nitrates and who-knows-what-else." Read Amanda's delightful Blog The Wink: Find Extra in the Ordinary.
From Mary Grandy: "I know it doesn't sound "traditional" but we go camping every year at Thanksgiving. We order the pre-made Turkey dinner, and take our trailer to the desert where our family rides our dirt bikes with friends. We've been doing it for so many years that both families (mine and the hubby's) know now not to expect us. I guess you might say we've made our own little tradition, that involves no stress." Mary writes the Blog Functional Shmunctional (Great name -- sounds like my normal state of affairs.)
Tomorrow: Stress Less Food
Photo by Mary Pohlmann
November 12, 2007
A Stress Less Thanksgiving
Q. With the holidays coming soon, I start to prepare our house for guests. We complete little home projects. Buy new hand towels for the guest bathroom. Unclutter the spare room. But all this activity makes my daughter anxious. It's not part her routine. So this year, I would like to prepare my daughter for the upheaval of the holiday season. What do you suggest I do?
A: Good for you for realizing the importance of preparing your daughter for change. Even though you may be in the holiday spirit, she's probably unconsciously dreading the unpredictability that ANY change brings, especially in HER home environment.
Before you begin to prepare for guests, talk to her about who will be visiting. If these are repeat guests, help her remember the positive aspects of their previous visit. If new guests are coming, compare their characteristics to people she already knows. Help her to feel relaxed by having some sense of familiarity. Talk up the fun you all can have while they are visiting. Get her in the mood of acceptance and lightheartedness. Ask her what would help her to feel more comfortable while the guests are visiting. Take her requests into account as you consider how to make your daughter feel more comfortable. Then ask what she would like to do to help get the house ready for these guests. You'll have to slow down to her speed. But when you move at her pace, it will help her to feel that she is being considered and appreciated.
Answered by Mary Scribner, Parent Coach and A Wild Ride creator/author. Read more from Mary on our FAQ page. You may also ask your own question. Send it to mary@awildride.net.
Photo © sonya etchison - Fotolia.com
November 11, 2007
National Stress Øut Week (by Elizabeth)
In honor of National Stress Øut Week, a week-long awareness campaign sponsored by the Anxiety Disorders Association of America (ADAA) to encourage people to take time to de-stress and to discover the differences between everyday stress and an anxiety disorder, we are looking for ideas to help make Thanksgiving less stressful.
If you would like to share some ideas for de-stressing the holiday or if you have some soothing activity suggestions for yourself and/or your child, send them to me, Elizabeth, or post a comment below.
We will post these suggestions and appropriate links throughout the week.
In the meantime, relax and enjoy today – the first day of National Stress Øut Week.
November 5, 2007
Horrors -- Not just Halloween (by Elizabeth)
For some children, it's not just Halloween they find scary. Call it Fear of Changing Appearances. These children abhor change of any kind, any time of the year.
Pajama day, crazy hair day,or dress as your favorite character from a book day can throw these kids into a tailspin. Parents wonder “what’s wrong with my kid? Why doesn’t he like pajama day for goodness sake? He stays in his comfy PJs, snuggles with his pillow, and reads books at school all day.”
While wearing PJs at school is a drastic change from the child's routine, some other upsetting changes may be so subtle that we parents miss them. Yet they are monumental to a child who does not appreciate any change of appearance.
For instance, when we traveled to Peru several years ago, I took off my heart-shaped locket and put it in the safe deposit box. I did not want to wear anything “flashy.”
When my son noticed the necklace gone, he cried. Better stated, he sobbed. It wasn’t until I bought a necklace while in Peru (that looked nothing like the locket I always wore) that I realized my son associated the heart locket with my love for his father and that taking it off meant I no longer wanted to be married.
If you notice your child reacting to another person’s change of appearance (haircut, new clothing, make-up), ask him some questions. You may be surprised by the answers. If he freaks out because you are wearing lipstick, you might ask him if it’s the color that bothers him, or the fact that you don’t normally wear lipstick.
Then reassure him that nothing is wrong with him or with the fact that you want to wear lipstick for that matter.
And to parents who wonder what’s wrong with a kid who doesn’t like Pajama Day, I realize that it’s hard to watch a child struggle with childhood events that should be fun. But it’s okay not to like pajama day, or crazy hair day, or whatever. Your son is who he is. Going along with whatever everyone else does is NOT a requirement. Be thankful for this trait when he gets into high school!
For the record, the pre-school and elementary schools my son attended “celebrated” pajama day every year for 7 years. In those seven years, my son NEVER participated.
Photo © Eisenhans - Fotolia.com
October 30, 2007
Unhappy Halloween (by Elizabeth)
For some parents, the scariest part of Halloween is the candy. Within moments of eating concentrated sugar, many children start behaving erratically. True, their behavior is related to the excitement of the event whether it's Halloween or a birthday party or a visit from Easter Bunny.
But it is also true that artificial colorings and additives can increase a child's hyperactive behaviors. "In a landmark study published in The Lancet, commonly used artificial food colorings and the preservative sodium benzoate have been strongly linked to hyperactivity in children, triggering renewed vigor in the decades-long campaign by activists to ban artificial food additives from food marketed to children.
'We now have clear evidence that mixtures of certain food colours and benzoate preservative can adversely influence the behaviour of children.' said Dr. Jim Stevenson, lead author of the study."
So, what's a parent to do on the biggest junk food day of the year?
• If at all possible, have your child eat a high protein dinner (bean and cheese burritos, scrambled eggs) before trick or treating. Allow him some dessert. Perhaps this will keep him from raiding the treat bag before he gets home.
• Buy a gift that your child wants and trade his bag of candy for the new toy. A Star Wars Lego set worked well for us one year.
• Offer to pay your child for his candy. Last year, my son negotiated a $25 settlement.
CAUTION: Immediately remove the offending candy bag so that you won’t be tempted to eat it all yourself .
Been there. Done that.
Photo © Jaimie Duplass - Fotolia.com
