A Wild Ride: Our Blog

From Mary: This came into my inbox; something parents who are dealing with Autism should know about.

Autism Speaks Unveils 100 Day Kit, A Unique Resource for Parents of Children Newly Diagnosed with Autism

If you or someone you know has recently had a family member diagnosed with Autism, you might find this useful. The advocacy group Autism Speaks just launched a program to get support kits tailored with local information to families with a recent diagnosis of Autism. You can read more about their new 100 Day Kit here.

Visit Autism Speaks for more information.

Posted by Elizabeth at 2:12 AM in Diagnosable Disorders | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Posted by Elizabeth at 8:31 PM in Nurturing Ourselves | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Unfortunately for some of us, Mother's Day is a difficult and anxious day. If you are like many mothers of special needs children, you may need some tips to help manage that stress and anxiety. Here are four favorites:

1. Let others know you're feeling overwhelmed and tell them how they can help.
2. Remember to breathe. A few slow deep breaths can do wonders.
3. Use and welcome humor. A good laugh can go a long way.
4. Don't underestimate the value of rest and sleep. When stressed, your body needs time
to recover.

From the Anxiety Disorders Association of America:

Photo by Mary Pohlmann.

Posted by Elizabeth at 4:22 AM in Strategies | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Reprinted from the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry:

Kids are naturally curious and have questions about mental illnesses. Understanding mental illnesses can be challenging for adults as well as for children. Myths, confusion, and misinformation about mental illnesses cause anxiety, create stereotypes, and continue stigma. During the past 50 years, great advances have been made in the areas of diagnosis and treatment of mental illnesses. Parents can help children understand that these are real illnesses that can be treated.

In order for parents to talk with a child about mental illnesses, they must be knowledgeable and reasonably comfortable with the subject. Some parents may have to do a little homework to be better informed. Parents should have a basic understanding and answers to questions such as, what are mental illnesses, who gets them, what causes them, how are diagnoses made, and what treatments are available.

When explaining to a child about how a mental illness affects a person, it may be helpful to make a comparison to a physical illness. For example, many people get sick with a cold or the flu, but only a few get really sick with something serious like pneumonia. People who have a cold are usually able to do their normal activities. However, if they get pneumonia, they will have to take medicine and may have to go to the hospital. Similarly, feelings of sadness, anxiety, worry, irritability, or sleep problems are common for most people. However, when these feelings get very intense, last for a long period of time and begin to interfere with school, work, and relationships, it may be a sign of a mental illness.

Parents should be aware of their child's needs, concerns, knowledge, and experience with mental illnesses. When talking about mental illnesses, parents should:

* communicate in a straightforward manner
* communicate at a level that is appropriate to a child's age and development level
* have the discussion when the child feels safe and comfortable
* watch their child's reaction during the discussion
* slow down or back up if the child becomes confused or looks upset.

Considering these points will help any child to be more relaxed and understand more of the conversation.

Pre-School Age Children
Young children need less information and fewer details because of their more limited ability to understand. Preschool children focus primarily on things they can see, for example, they may have questions about a person who has an unusual physical appearance, or is behaving strangely. They would also be very aware of people who are crying and obviously sad, or yelling and angry.

School-age children
Older children may want more specifics. They may ask more questions, especially about friends or family with emotional or behavioral problems. Their concerns and questions are usually very straightforward. "Why is that person crying? Why does Daddy drink and get so mad? Why is that person talking to herself?" They may worry about their safety or the safety of their family and friends. It is important to answer their questions directly and honestly and to reassure them about their concerns and feelings.

Teenagers
Teenagers are generally capable of handling much more information and asking more specific and difficult questions. Teenagers often talk more openly with their friends and peers than with their parents. As a result, some teens may have already have misinformation about mental illnesses. Teenagers respond more positively to an open dialogue which includes give and take. They are not as open or responsive when a conversation feels one-sided or like a lecture.

Talking to children about mental illnesses can be an opportunity for parents to provide their children with information, support, and guidance. Learning about mental illnesses can lead to improved recognition, earlier treatment, greater understanding and compassion, as well as decreased stigma.

Posted by Elizabeth at 1:52 AM in Diagnosable Disorders | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

May is Mental Health Month. The National Federation of Families for Children’s Mental Health again declares the first full week in May, May 4-10, 2008, as National Children’s Mental Health Awareness Week.

At A Wild Ride, we want you to know that:

1. Mental Health is essential to overall health and well being.
2. Serious emotional and mental health disorders in children and youth are real and treatable.
3. Children and youth with mental health challenges and their families deserve access to services and supports that are family driven, youth guided and culturally appropriate.
4. Stigma associated with mental illness should no longer exist.

For more information, visit American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry.

Posted by Elizabeth at 2:28 PM in News and Research | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

With summer vacation just a few short months away, you daydream of sipping lemonade on the patio while watching your kids play joyfully in the summer sun. But then reality settles over you like a wet blanket. You recall last year when by lunchtime on the first day of summer break, you had already heard the dreaded, “I’m bored” several times. And within the first week, you were well on your way to the mental exhaustion that comes from trying to balance your child’s days without the welcomed break that school brings.

While many children thrive on the freedom of unplanned days, this simply isn’t the case for the challenging child. Children with behavioral challenges need structure, regardless of the time of year. Summer can be a frustrating time of year for parents of difficult children. You may wish you could just let your child be, let him enjoy the freedom that summer brings. But you know from past experience, that even your child’s free time must be planned. With just a few months before summer vacation begins, you still have time to plan for a fun and even relaxing summer. There’s no time like the present to gather your resources and begin preparing for a summer to remember.

Personal Resources; Family and friends can be immensely helpful in planning for and executing a summer vacation plan. Setting up regular play dates is one way of taking care of your child’s needs while taking care of your own too. While your friend watches your child at play, you can go for a drive in the country or just enjoy being at home reading a book. With school still in session, now is the time to think about how to continue the friendships your child developed during the school year by exchanging phone numbers with parents. Invite the child’s parent to coffee so you can talk about how to support each other during the sometimes trying months of summer. It may feel awkward at first, but rest assured that every mother (and father) wants and needs support. If you are lucky enough to have family members who understand your child, enlist their support. And don’t forget about younger members of the family, such as older cousins, when you ask for help.

Community Resources: The end of the school year is a hectic time for teachers, so make an appointment to talk with them now. Ask about activities your child could participate in during the summer. Though many schools are no longer providing summer school, teachers and therapists are often bombarded with information about summer activities that are available to their students. The most obvious resource is your child’s classroom teacher, but don’t forget about his speech therapist, occupational therapist, or physical therapist. The P.E. teacher and school librarian may also have ideas for you. Next, check with your city parks department- they often have lists of summer activities and camps. Your public library is another great resource for information. If your child is involved with any therapy or services outside of school, inquire with them as well. Colleges and universities often have a list of students who need credits for time spent working with children- the time may have to be used in a specific way, but it is worth checking into.

Resources Outside of Your Community: If you are considering sending your child to summer camp this year, the American Camp Association (ACA) is a fabulous resource. Collaborating with such organizations as the American Red Cross and the American Academy of Pediatrics, ACA’s website is a database for all types of camps from Boy Scouts and Camp Fire to specialty camps such as chef camp and performing arts camp. Also included on the site are camps supported by religious organizations. But the website is not just a place to find a specific camp. It is also full of advice on finding the right camp for your child and has tips on preparing your child and yourself for the camp experience. And if your child isn’t ready for spending the night away from you, the site also lists day camps. By simply typing in your state or zip code, you can find out about camps near you.

Taking Care of Your Best Resource – You!

Don’t forget to figure yourself into your summer plan. Scheduling regular date nights with your partner ensures that you won’t lose track of each other amid the activity involved with caring for your child. Treat yourself to a regular massage, pedicure, or facial. Speak with a counselor if you need to talk to someone outside of family and friends. Take care of your physical body by eating right and getting regular exercise. Plan to spend time with other adults through support groups, or by simply having lunch with a friend. Take care of your spiritual needs through formal gatherings or quiet meditation. Remember, you can best take care of your child and your family when you first take care of yourself.

By using the next month to gather information, you can begin to put together a summer plan that works for you and your child. With a little planning, you can make this a summer to remember…for all the right reasons!

Posted by Elizabeth at 9:20 AM in Summer Planning | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

In addtion to the web sites we listed a couple of days ago, Mary Scribner suggests several good books on the topic of Special Needs Siblings written by Don Meyer from the Sibling Support Project.

Sibshops, Workshops for Siblings of Children With Special Needs with Patricia Vadasy

Living with a Brother or Sister with Special Needs – A book for Sibs

The Sibling Slam Book: What It’s Really Like to Have a Brother or Sister With Special Needs

Also, check out the The Sibling Support Project Store for more books and videos.

Posted by Elizabeth at 9:14 AM in Siblings | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Welcome Momference participants and other parents dealing with special needs and sibling rivalry! As promised, here are several Web resources for those of us dealing with special needs children and their siblings. If you have other resource suggestions, please send them to Mary Scribner.

Families Together, Inc. is a parent training and information center out of Kansas, Mo. That serves families with special needs children. It has some great resources on topics of interest to families, links to national resources.

LDonline.org offers up-to-date information about learning disabilities to related issues parent tips, resources.

The Sibling Support Project is a list serve for young brothers and sisters of kids with various special needs.

Partnership for Learning provides articles for the sibling of a special needs child.

Visit Special Needs Parenting for some excellent resource for children with learning challenges.

Posted by Elizabeth at 8:21 AM in Siblings | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Welcome Momference participants and other parents dealing with special needs and sibling rivalry!

Helping Kids Get Along

Simple things you can do every day to prevent fighting include:

• Set ground rules for acceptable behavior. Tell the kids that there's no cursing, no name-calling, no yelling, no door slamming. Solicit their input on the rules — as well as the consequences when they break them. This teaches kids that they're responsible for their own actions, regardless of the situation or how provoked they felt, and discourages any attempts to negotiate regarding who was "right" or "wrong."

• Let them know that they are safe, important, and needed, and that their needs will be met.

• Don't let kids make you think that everything always has to be "fair" and "equal" — sometimes one kid needs more than the other.

• Be proactive in giving your kids one-on-one attention directed to their interests and needs. For example, if one likes to go outdoors, take a walk or go to the park. If another child likes to sit and read, make time for that too.

• Make sure kids have their own space and time to do their own thing — to play with toys by themselves, to play with friends without a sibling tagging along, or to enjoy activities without having to share 50-50.

• Show and tell your kids that, for you, love is not something that comes with limits.

• Have fun together as a family. Whether you're watching a movie, throwing a ball, or playing a board game, you're establishing a peaceful way for your kids to spend time together and relate to each other. This can help ease tensions between them and also keeps you involved. Since parental attention is something many kids fight over, fun family activities can help reduce conflict.

• If your children frequently squabble over the same things (such as video games or dibs on the TV remote), post a schedule showing which child "owns" that item at what times during the week. (But if they keep fighting about it, take the "prize" away altogether.)

• If fights between your school-age children are frequent, hold weekly family meetings in which you repeat the rules about fighting and review past successes in reducing conflicts. Consider establishing a program where the kids earn points toward a fun family-oriented activity when they work together to stop battling.

• Recognize when kids just need time apart from each other and the family dynamics. Try arranging separate play dates or activities for each kid occasionally. And when one child is on a play date, you can spend one-on-one time with another.

• Keep in mind that sometimes kids fight to get a parent's attention. In that case, consider taking a time-out of your own. When you leave, the incentive for fighting is gone. Also, when your own fuse is getting short, consider handing the reins over to the other parent, whose patience may be greater at that moment.

Getting Professional Help

Many parents feel frustrated and ineffective due to a high degree of sibling quarreling. If you have questions about sibling rivalry and would like strategies and a fresh perspective, call a parent coach.

In a small percentage of families, the conflict between brothers and sisters is so severe that it disrupts daily functioning, or particularly affects kids emotionally or psychologically. In those cases, it's wise to get help from a mental health professional. Seek help for sibling conflict if it:

• is so severe that it's leading to marital problems
• creates a real danger of physical harm to any family member
• is damaging to the self-esteem or psychological well-being of any family member
• may be related to another psychiatric disorder, such as depression

Talk with your doctor, who can help you determine whether your family might benefit from professional help and refer you to local mental health resources.

Adapted from: Sibling Rivalry @ Kids Health for Parents

Posted by Elizabeth at 9:11 AM in Siblings | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

And here's a final idea from Kirsten Locke. Visit Suite 101: Special Needs Parenting for more information.

Also, inform the abled children about their sibling’s particular disability and what it entails. You may even get the non-impaired children involved in their sibling’s care, as is fitting to each age and situation. Very young children may not understand more than ‘Danny is fragile, so we have to be more careful,’ while older juveniles may be able to take their special siblings for a walk in the park or other fun activities. Encourage interaction in whatever form is possible. Despite whatever needs each represents, they are still brothers and sisters and need to be able to connect with each other and learn to get along.

Take Parenting Breaks and Get Other Help as Possible
Making private time for each child and for yourself can be difficult, especially if you have one with severe problems or otherwise requiring round-the-clock care. Again, organization and scheduling is your best friend. Obtaining child care breaks is very important and should be marked on the calendar as often as possible. Not just for you the parent, but for the rest of your household as well.

If your insurance or other aspects of your budget do not adequately cover respite care, ask your family physician, local church or other such helpful organization about obtaining aid. Many wonderful groups and charities exist for whatever special needs any of your children may have, too, and some of these organizations may offer some sort of day care swap, financial aid or similar help. Find your local chapter and see what resources are available. When possible, find other parents who are dealing with similar issues to yours and set up play groups or even a neighborhood child care co-op. The moral support alone from interacting with other families can help ease the stress that comes with this type of demanding family life. And less stress can mean fewer squabbles at home.

Even if you have two or more children who all suffer from similar, or even differing disabilities, rivalry can occur. The above suggestions are just as useful in this circumstance. So whether dealing with one child who has special needs along with other ‘abled’ children or handling two or more children each with disabilities of their own, the above basics can be applied to any household. Scheduling, special one-on-one time, positive reinforcement, education and care breaks are tools available to any parent. No matter what shape their particular family may take.

Photo © binagel - Fotolia.com

Posted by Elizabeth at 3:58 AM in Siblings | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Here is another idea from Kirsten Locke. Visit Suite 101: Special Needs Parenting for more information.

Praises and other positives go a long way, too, and can be doled out with as much frequency as you can manage. And always be sure to let each child, no matter their condition, know that they are special and loved in your eyes no matter what. Make the effort every day. Everyone will feel better when positive messages are provided on a regular basis.

Keep in mind that even when they receive their own time with their parents and other positives, non-disabled siblings may still feel neglected on occasion and act out on those negative feelings. This is due to all the extra attention that usually needs to be poured into their disabled sibling’s care. When a tantrum or other emotional flare-up occurs, time-outs followed by heart-to-heart talks are always good. And again, emphasize with them that they are just as special and loved as anyone else in the family.

Posted by Elizabeth at 3:57 AM in Siblings | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Kirsten Locke offers great suggestions for any parent dealing with sibling rivalry. Visit Suite 101: Special Needs Parenting for more information.

Here are some tips for managing the jealousy that can occur between brothers and sisters when one or more have special needs.

Parenting in general can be overwhelming. Add a disability, whether it be physical, mental, learning-oriented or some other condition, and the job can be that much more daunting. When there is more than one child involved, no matter how able or disabled they each may be, there are ways to handle the juggling act that is parenthood so that the entire family can grow healthy bonds with each other. And so that everyone can cope with the challenges that such a household can bring.

Get Organized and Stay on Schedule

Taking care of a special needs child can take up a vast majority of a guardian’s time and energy. From learning everything you can about the condition and what it entails, to various doctor and specialist appointments, to seeing about special accommodations both at home and at school, the list of things that must be done can seem endless. Fitting time and effort into more than cursory attention to the better-abled children who are also under your care can easily fall by the wayside without realizing it.

Being organized is essential. Keep track of your efforts. One of the best things any parent can do to is to schedule not only doctor and other appointments but also certain events such as playtime. Be sure to set aside time for each child individually, at least once a week if not more, along with other family time. This does not mean you can’t be spontaneous, but it does allow breaks in your busy pace to occur more often if you purposely pen them in between all the other appointments.

Read more.

Posted by Elizabeth at 3:51 AM in Siblings | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

So how does the developing normally sibling feel? Autism and the Empress shares her story:

I never thought I'd see the day when my children would rival each other. My two eldest (a boy and a girl) were quite close. Being three years apart, they played together, ate together, were disobedient together and thus, disciplined together. Although they are adults now, they remain close.

Not so with my teenager and ER. They are not the best of friends. There's five years between them, but that shouldn't constitute the attitudes, bickering and yes, sometimes fighting amongst them.

From the comments I receive....my teenager is jealous. He feels I pay more attention to ER than him. He says I allow ER to "get away with things" I wouldn't allow him to get away with. Oh, and also, I buy ER more things from the store than I do him. When these comments are flying back and forth over me, I stop and take a look at myself. Am I doing all that he claims? In a way, I have to say....yes. Am I doing it knowingly? No.

I try to explain to my teenager that ER has a disability and with that disability comes special needs that should be met. "He doesn't care for water, so I buy him juice to mix with the water. You love water," I'll say to him. Unfortunately, these needs that should be met have caused a sort of resentment in him and it shows in several ways:

a) He has no mercy for ER. He feels ER should be just as tough as anyone else.

b) He teases ER. I've caught him on several occasions when he feels I am not looking and have also been told by other family members.

c) He isn't willing to lift a hand. When asked to do something for ER, he grumbles and complains.

My teenager's resentments are therefore having a negative effect on ER in several ways:

a) He strikes out in anger. When ER looses on a video game he will get up and hit my teenager even when he's not the one playing against him.

b) He does not want my teenager to touch him or tell him what to do. I was watching them cross the parking lot this morning and my teenager put his hand on ER to protect him from the oncoming car. ER screamed and moved his hand away.

c) Any playtime turns to violence. On the off chance that the two of them do play together, it often turns into a hitting fest.

Between the both of them, I feel more like a referee than a mother. I've tried my best to spread myself equally between the two of them. But, there is only so much spreading a single parent can do. I've encouraged my teenager to start attending the local Teen Center down the street to mingle and make friends with kids his own age. He is finally doing that.

As far as their brotherhood, I hope and pray it will develop beyond the jealousy stage. A good family relationship is so important -- for them and for me.

Read more from this author.
Photo © Monika Adamczyk - Fotolia.com

Posted by Elizabeth at 3:39 AM in Siblings | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Here's another great piece on Sibling Rivalry and the Special Needs Child. This time I found the story and strategies posted on one of my favorite sites for parents of challenging children. The site is called The Special Parent and it is dedicated to "those extraordinary mothers and fathers who devote their lives to provide the most meaningful existence possible to their special needs child."

It was a long and trying day. Katherine was challenged (and that’s polite) by this project for class. It’s beyond anything she’s ever done. Sometimes a challenge is a good thing. This much challenge….probably not. Hindsight being 20/20 I should have intervened with the teacher earlier. I most likely will because the balance of the project is likely to create similar results. But I digress….

As all this chaos is going on I worry. Sure I worry that Katherine will break the door with the slamming, or hurt herself with the head banging. Yea, I worry that I’ll eventually lose my cool and blow up at her. But today what really stuck with me was how I worried about the impact all this chaos has on her brother, Donovan.

Donovan is 2 - just shy of 2 ½ actually. He’s at the age where you have tantrums anyway so of course I worry about what he might pick up to add to his repertoire. He’s an amateur compared with his sister and I’d like to keep it that way.

Mostly what I worry about though is how being the sibling of Katherine impacts him daily. Not everyday is hellish chaos. But everyday does seem to have some challenge or issue that sucks attention from Donovan. Right now I think being the younger child helps. If he had been first born he’d probably notice the fact that I get sucked away to deal with Katherine as a sudden deficit to him. I hope that right now at least he sees that as a normal part of life around here. As he gets older, I’m concerned he’ll have issues, even be resentful of some of the things that go on with Katherine around.

Maybe there’s something to be resentful of. Katherine does get a lot of attention and time. She requires it even when she isn’t in a tantrum. I know that my husband and I work very hard to make sure that Donovan gets special time with each of us, either on weekends or during the day when Katherine is in school to balance this out. We also make sure that one of us is with him when the other of us is dealing with Katherine. I worry he’ll think I care more for Katherine than him because I spend so much time addressing her needs.

NICHY (National Information Center for Children & Youth with Disabilities) has a great list which I hope to follow to lessen some of these concerns as he continues to age.

1. Limit the caregiving responsibilities of siblings
2. Schedule special time with the non-disabled sibling
3. Let siblings settle their own differences
4. Welcome other children and friends into the home
5. Praise all siblings
6. Involve all siblings in family events and decisions
7. Require the disabled child to do as much as possible for himself or herself
8. Recognize each child’s unique qualities and family contributions
9. Seek out sibling-related organizations such as the Sibling Support Project which is a national effort dedicated to the life-long concerns of brothers and sisters of people who have special health, developmental and/or mental health concerns.

While I have no question that he already deeply loves his sister, and I have no reason to believe that will change, I also believe that even the best sibling relationship is difficult. Adding the types of disabilities Donovan is going to be asked to deal with at such a young age…..all I have to do is think about how hard it is for me to deal with and I recognize how much more I’m asking of him. I hope I’m able to help him through it. I hope he’ll grow to appreciate the incredibly special opportunity he has as well.

I’m fairly new to this piece of the journey. I’d be interested in hearing what other parents have to say about the ways in which they handle sibling issues between their special needs and “typical” kids.

The author of The Special Parent is Kyron Arambula. Kyron is "a mom to a two wonderful children, one of whom has special needs - in less than pc terms she has disabilities - or as some I know like to say, she’s “differently abled”. Because of this I’m constantly on the search for information that can give me the ability to make the most of her different ABILITIES…of which she has many!"

To read more from Kyron visit her web site The Special Parent.

Photo © Monika Adamczyk - Fotolia.com

Posted by Elizabeth at 3:10 AM in Siblings | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

My Brother. My Enemy. My Friend.
One Sibling's Story

“Yeah, I’m upset.” I hear my older son say. I peek into his room. He’s talking on the phone, pacing the floor, fingering a business card. “You said to call you when I was really fed up. Well, I’m really fed up. Why does he get all the attention? Why does my Mom spend all her time with him? She’s too tired to do anything with me. She can’t even think long enough to help with my math homework.”

Sean’s voice becomes more agitated, more urgent. “Then tonight he throws a fit because I beat him at basketball. He yells at me. He screams. I don’t want to play with him anymore. But Mom says I have to understand him. I don’t want to understand him. I want him to act NORMAL."

I don’t need to see the card he’s holding to know that Sean called his brother’s therapist, Ben, who told him after one of our family sessions, “Call anytime you need to talk. This isn’t just about your brother.”

But in reality, it is all about his brother Joe needs constant attention. His anxieties derail every family outing. Sean is usually the perfect child, the one with no issues. He plays well with others, never misses school. He possesses maturity beyond his years. Skilled at dodging Joe’s verbal bullets, Sean adeptly negotiates disagreements among his peers. His compassion for others comes through in his social activities.

“He would not be who he is without the experience of being Joe’s brother,” my friend Nan tells me, when I wonder about the impact of Joe’s condition on Sean. “He’s one of the most tolerant teenagers I’ve ever met,” she goes on to say.

My thoughts come back to Sean’s phone call to the therapist who is presumably giving him some sound advice for dealing with his brother. “Yeah, I understand,” Sean says with resignation in his voice. “It’s just that sometimes I think my whole family is close to breaking. And there’s another problem. I get embarrassed when my friends are over and Joe acts up. He swears at me. He hits and kicks me. It’s ugly and embarrassing and if I hit him back, I’m the one who gets in trouble because 'I’m older and should know better.' So here’s the bottom line Ben. I am tired of being abused by my brother, tired of being embarrassed, and I’m jealous of the time my parents spend with him.” There’s a long pause and then, “Yeah, I’ll think about what you said. Okay, I promise to call you again tomorrow.”

After Sean hangs up, I step into his room. In that moment I decide to let Sean know I heard his conversation with Ben. “Was he helpful?” A little startled he replies, “Kinda. Said I should walk away when Joe starts hitting me or swearing at me. Said I could help him help Joe by writing down what triggers Joe’s anger. I guess that will help.” Sean begins to make his bed. I stop his hands as he pulls the bedcovers forward. I don’t know what to say to make it better. I hug him, tell him how much I love him, tell him how much I appreciate how helpful and positive he is, knowing full well that these are probably the wrong things to say and that I am putting even more pressure on him. I can only hope that my friend Nan is right. Sean will grow into a caring, compassionate young man – thanks to his brother.

Come hear more Sibling Stories when Mary & I present at Momference on April 26th.

Posted by Elizabeth at 1:29 AM in Siblings | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

If you are a frequent reader of A Wild Ride, you know that Mary and I are speaking at the Momference Webinar on April 26th. Our topic: Special Needs and Sibling Rivalry.

In my research for this topic, I came across an excellent piece on Life Happens by Donna Mason. Donna gave me permission to share it with our readers.

The Effects on Siblings of Autistic Children

Oftentimes it is true that the child that makes the most noise, gets the most attention. This is true in a lot of families and moreso in families with children with Autism. Autistic children also require a lot more time and attention. In a family with more than one autistic child, it is doubly so. This could lead to a greater risk of sibling rivalry. Not for the challenges usually associated with these words but for attention. With the care that Autistic children need, it would be easy for the unaffected child in the family to get a little lost in the shuffle.

Over time, this could lead to the unaffected child feeling resentful of their Autistic siblings and to begin a little attention getting of their own or behaviors.

In time, the stress involved with this internal family conflict could lead to a rift that may take a lifetime to heal. There are several methods to deal with this potential problem before it gets out of hand.

Donna suggests the following:

1. Set aside parent alone time for the sibling of an Autistic child.

2. Hire a sitter or ask a friend or family member to watch over the Autistic child during this time.

3. Reassure the unaffected sibling that they are going to get a share of you time.

4. It important that you keep your appointment with the child.

5. The outing doesn't have to be anything spectacular, just something that the two of you can share. It can be done with one parent at a time or with both.

For more suggestions, visit Donna's site Life Happens.

From Donna's site: Life Happens is about life dealing with Autism. I have three children with Autism and three children who don't have Autism. This is how we deal with day to day living and getting by. Different treatments for Autism,ADHD,Mental Retardation and their effectiveness.

Posted by Elizabeth at 1:11 AM in Siblings | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

If you are a frequent reader of this Blog, you know that Mary and I will be speakers at an upcoming Momference teleconference titled Special Needs: Managing Stress with a Smile.

Our session is called: My Brother My Sister My Enemy My Friend - The New Definition of Sibling Rivalry.

This week, we thought we would set the "mood" for Momference by writing a few entries on the topic over the next two weeks.

We all know that some sibling rivalry is inevitable -- even healthy. However, it's not always safe, especially if one of the children has special needs. That fact can also put some undue pressure on the "typically developing" brother or sister. So, what's a mother to do?

1. Acknowledge the anger.
2. Listen to each child's side of the argument.
3. Recognize that the problem is a tough one.
4. Offer some potential solutions to both parties then allow them to work out a mutually agreeable solution.
5. Make certain the child without special needs is not always the one who must concede.
6. Fairness may not always be possible but acknowledge this fact with empathy.
7. When the crisis is over, appreciate the children's efforts to come to some agreement.
8. Plan on attending Momference for even more ideas and suggestions.

Posted by Elizabeth at 5:23 AM in Siblings | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Sometimes, when I'm in the thick of a difficult situation, I fail to see the world around me. A good friend, whose calm life was shattered last fall due to her husband's stroke, recently wrote this:

We’re keeping perspective, grateful to be home, to have a home… happy to be alive and together. Not a given. Our community has been hit hard with critical illnesses lately. The only way I know of to weather the storms is to take slow deep breaths every day, and to rest quietly in each moment -- when I remember that is. Our hearts are full, holding close to loved ones struggling for life.

Today, regardless of your situation, I wish you a full-heart! ~ Elizabeth

Photo by Mary Pohlmann. Today is her birthday!

Posted by Elizabeth at 5:57 AM in Expectations | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

It may still feel chilly out there. Spring is barely recognizable in our area. But if you are like me, you are not exactly looking forward to summer. Endless light, warmth and lack of routine do not always spell r-e-l-i-e-f in households with special needs children. June, July, and August spell c-h-a-o-s and u-p-s-e-t. That’s why I start looking for summer activity suggestions in April.

Today in my Inbox I came across a newsletter from Play-Activities. Melitsa, author of Play-Activities, sent several great play ideas. My favorite is called Listening Outside.

The game is geared towards the under five crowd, but there’s a bonus benefit. It takes Mom outdoors, on her own, listening to the world around her. You don’t have to record the sounds if you don’t want to ~ just enjoy the act of listening.

If you do want to play the game with your child, here’s how it works:

Materials:
• Recording device - e.g. mobile phone, tape recorder, dictation machine, etc.
• Blank tape

Idea(s):
• When your child is not around, record some of the sounds that you hear outside.
• You might record vehicles, lawn mowers or other garden tools, dogs barking, howling or scratching, birds, children at play, sprinkler, swimming pool fun, wind chimes, foot falling on wood or concrete, ball bouncing, etc.
• Play the sounds and see how many they can identify.
• Go outside and see if that helps if they can guess.
• Try other places - park, preschool, church, garage, etc.

Good For:
• Patience
• Listening Skills
• Vocabulary

Find more ideas at:

Don't forget. Mary and I are at Momference on April 26th. Visit Momference for more information.

Posted by Elizabeth at 9:33 AM in Summer Planning | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

SPECIAL NEEDS: MANAGING STRESS WITH A SMILE

Having a special needs child in your life brings new meaning to the term loving unconditionally. We break the old rules and stigmas every day, while trying to create a new and wonderful world for our children.

Join us for a day of helpful hints and upbeat attitudes from those that live a life like yours. As well as useful information you can use immediately to help your daily life stop being so stressful.
Hurry… seating is limited.
REGISTRATION IS NOW OPEN!
Your registration includes audio recordings of all the sessions!

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All of these workshops will talk to parents of the special needs child and provide innovative and concrete tools and resources for managing your home and your life with less stress and more smiles!

It includes workshops on:

1. Understanding and measuring you child's success

2. Managing your child and yourself with less stress

3. The ABCs of support groups

4. Dealing with sibling rivalry (Speaker: MARY & ME!)

5. Parenting without yelling

6. Organizing your special child's room

7. The Imperfection Movement - using humor instead of guilt (Speaker: Our Friend Patty over at Shut Up About Your Perfect Kid)

For more information, visit the Momference Web site. When you register, receive a discount by using WILDRIDE as the promotion code.

Posted by Elizabeth at 4:04 AM in Classes & Seminars | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)