A Wild Ride

Support

Creating a group of your own

To help other mothers feel supported, we’ve included some information to help you start a similar group in your own community. This is just an outline. Contact mary@awildride.net with questions.

Planning the First Meeting
Selecting a Location
Managing Ongoing Support Groups

PLANNING THE FIRST MEETING

By now you’ve decided the type of group you want, where your first meeting will be, and gotten the word out. Now it’s time to consider the next steps and bring everyone together for the first time.

First, create a comfort zone – a safe atmosphere of warmth, acceptance, and hospitality. Remember, people will not know each other and may feel hesitant, shy, or anxious.

Facilitator:

• Arrive early
   
• Prepare the Space – quiet, comfortable, non-distracting.
   
• Make sure the location has been well posted. See creating a group of your own from last month.
   
• Provide coffee/tea, food if you’d like.
   
• Provide name tags if you’d like.
   
• Arrange seating in a circle if possible to optimize eye contact and connection.
   
• Plan on beginning and finishing meeting on time.
   
• Meet people at the door with a personal greeting.
   
• Welcome latecomers.

Next, establish a structure that helps people feel safe and comfortable communicating. Here are some recommendations.

• Introduce yourself and share story of what lead you to start a group. Explain your vision for the purpose of the group; e.g., share support and decrease isolation.
  
  
• Ask everyone to introduce themselves and share what brought each member to the group. Go around the circle giving every member an opportunity to speak or pass.
   
• Give an overview of how this first meeting will flow.
   
• Explain housekeeping details such as the location of rest rooms, parking, where tea/coffee are located, if there will be a break or not.
   
• Go over ground rules – provide a clear understanding so everyone knows what to expect.

• Confidentiality – keep discussions between group members
   
• Respect – Validate other members’ personal situations.
   
• Respect - Allow each person to speak without interruption; no side conversations.
   
• No judgment – Listen and support group members without criticizing or judging.
   
• Patience – Be patient with group members and their feelings.
   
• Constructive discussion - Keep group discussions focused on issues and coping strategies.
   
• Acceptance - All feelings are acceptable.
   
• Diversity – Respect one another’s differences in both their personal lives and their opinions.
   
• Ask for comments/other ideas
  

• Check in with everyone.
  

• Share stories, dilemmas, challenges, successes.
   
• Brainstorm solutions to members’ dilemmas.
   
• Establish group connections – mailing lists, email addresses, phone lists.
   
• Discuss phone support between meetings.
   
• Begin to develop a network of peers and professionals for support Facilitator initiates and adds to growing list of resources to be utilized for group members as needed.
  

• Then, Go over logistics – group can make these decisions together.

• Group meeting dates and times – how often, when, next meeting date, time and location.
   
• Meeting location – Rotate location or have only one?
   
• Leadership – Rotate? Have a facilitator?
   
• Meeting format – Does group want to have a theme or discussion topic for each meeting? If so, topic ideas?
   
• Participants - How long to keep group open to new members
  

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SELECTING A LOCATION

First, consider what type of group you want:

• Do you want a professional facilitator or do you want to share leadership within the group?
• How often do you want to meet?
• Do you want to rotate meeting times and places?
• Are children allowed or is it strictly adults only?
• What is the emphasis of the group - challenging children in general or children with specific labels such as Autism, bipolar disorder, depression?

Next, choose a meeting location. Remember that the environment the group meets in helps set the tone. Be sure to choose a place with few distractions and one where people can feel comfortable and emotionally safe. Think about a central location with ample, safe parking and accessible entries and restrooms.

Ask yourself if you want the meeting place to be in a:

• Private residence/home (optimum)
• Church, mosque or synagogue meeting room
• Community Center
• Library
• Other available locations

Then, get the word out. We recommend several useful ways:

• Prepare a flyer or adapt ours (see sample flyer) and post or include it:
   
  • In doctors’ offices
  • On Community Bulletin Boards
  • At your local library o In the parent bulletin at your child’s school
     
• Send a notice out through e-mail
• Announce the group at PTA meetings

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MANAGING Ongoing Support Groups

By now you’ve had your first meeting. You’ve established ground rules and structure and everyone’s’ agreed to logistics. You’ve created a safe atmosphere and laid the foundation to develop comfort and trust. Conversation among the group has begun to generate shared meaning.

As your group begins to form an identity and group dynamics begin unfolding, let’s consider ideas to enrich the group experience along with graceful ways to handle potential problems.

This month: “On-going meetings, group dynamics - potential problems and how to handle them.”

First, consider running the next few meetings with a format similar to the first session. This helps while the group forms an identity and builds trust and comfort. Your group is still in its infancy – the getting acquainted stage.

Make sure that everyone has an opportunity to share or pass during meetings.

• If your group is open to new members, continue with introductory sharing as you welcome them into the circle.
   
• Keep logistics simple (second Tues of every month, don't need to prepare or bring food, just show up). Share responsibilities when possible.

Next, allow your group to build gradual. Realize that it will go through various stages as the members build trust and group dynamics evolve and mature.

Offer ideas to enrich the group experience:

• Using a brainstorming approach, choose topics for discussion. Examples may include:

• Managing stress
• Medication
• Communication with others
• Behavioral strategies for dealing with specific issues
• Effects of raising a difficult child on spouse and partner relationships, siblings, and friends
• Single parenting, co-parenting
• Alternative therapies
• Resources
• Screen time – TV, video games, etc.
• Appropriate books and movies for each child's age and temperament
• Invite guest speakers – keep introductions short, let guest speakers present their topics. Examples: a cranial sacral practitioner, occupational therapist, naturopath, nonviolent Communication facilitator, Parent Coach, etc.

• Inform group of upcoming events, conferences, training, workshops.

Then, be aware of the diversity and mix of personalities in your group.

Stay alert to emotionally sensitive situations that could impact group members; know how to intervene if an individual upsets others. One or two parents may have high needs that could be challenging or potentially destructive to the group dynamics. It is critically important to correct these situations so they do not threaten the group.

• Someone is consistently monopolizing or dominating the group: try to understand her needs. It may be that she is dealing with emotional pain and needs empathy. Set up a time after group to talk with her.

If this is an on-going problem, you may need to break in and praise one of her statements and ask a question of another group member. Reinforce the principle that everyone has a need to be fully included, accepted, and respected. You may want to establish a 10-minute rule to be sure everyone has an opportunity to share.

• Intense member whose anger is hostile and directed inappropriately: Carefully observe group dynamics to determine if this was stimulated within the group. Try to see her point of view. Do not allow her anger to be directed at anyone in the group. This mom may need a referral to a professional.

• Side conversations: This distraction can be disruptive, seem like indifference to the speaker, appear secretive, and cause members to feel excluded and offended. Be pro-active. Establish this ground rule at the first meeting: no side conversations.

It can be very helpful for the group leader to interrupt the conversation and ask members if they would share their conversation with the whole group.

• On-going, uncomfortable silence in the group: It may be time for the leader to provide some guidance – tell a story involving self disclosure that may encourage conversation. Use ice-breakers. Invite group to answer topic questions.
   
• Some parents may respond with judgment or “shoulds”: Establish the value of honest communication, using “I” statements, and speaking one’s own truth rather than attempting to interpret someone else’s.

Stress to the group that listening without judging provides a safe haven for everyone. There are enough judgmental people in the world. Remind members that often the sole act of sharing helps people see their situation more clearly and leads them to their own personal solution.

Model active listening. Establish right from the beginning that people generally feel accepted, respected, and understood when they sense that they are being listened to rather than judged. You might consider establishing a ground rule that feedback is given only if the person asks for it.

• Some parents are uncomfortable with another mom's choice of discipline, treatment choices for their child or parenting strategies. If members have an issue with another group member, they may want to talk to them personally. During group time, ask the mom whose judgment others are questioning, open-ended questions. Remain curious about her decisions to better establish understanding. This parent may be struggling and is using the only strategy currently available to her. If communication is open, encourage others to share stories or strategies that worked for them in the past.

Contact mary@awildride.net with questions.

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